(For all you young ‘uns confused about the title, click here.)
When I was trick-or-treating, back in the Pleistocene era, some households were still offering homemade treats to the kids who came to their door. This was obviously before mass hysteria gripped the nation and parents freaked out about the introduction of razor blades or drugs into Halloween treats. It was also before basic germ theory was widely understood, and no one seemed to worry about unhygienic handling of foodstuffs.
Anyway, I fondly remember the time when the old lady in a house at the corner of Lewiston and Kennewick smiled and dropped a homemade popcorn ball, wrapped in waxed paper, into the orange plastic pumpkin I was carrying. I didn’t think much of it in the moment; in fact, I may have dismissed her as a cheapskate unwilling to pay money for real, factory-produced candy bars. And yet, when I got home and eventually ate the homemade treat, I experienced bliss like I’d never experienced it before. It was about the size of a small cantaloupe, and tasted at once buttery and sweet and salty, simultaneously gooey and crunchy. The fact that it was homemade, I finally decided, made it more authentic than the mass-produced, overhyped Bit-O-Honeys (Bits-O-Honey?) and Chicks-O-Stick. I couldn’t wait until the next Halloween, when I’d go back and get another one. Alas, after waiting 364 days, no one answered the doorbell on Halloween night. Rumor had it the woman had the poor manners to die before I was able to secure another popcorn ball.
So imagine my excitement when, yesterday evening, a mysterious package addressed to “Treat Man” arrived at the door, and it turned out to contain popcorn balls. The package was revealed to be sent by my daughter-in-law Katelyn, God bless her. The popcorn balls, alas, were not homemade, but rather were produced by some mysterious company based in Utah called Kathy Kaye Foods. I was eager to see how these stacked up against the homemade versions from my youth.
- Packaging. Well, it’s not hand-wrapped in waxed paper, but it’s a reasonably interesting package. Kathy Kaye, unlike Willy Wonka, had the presence of mind to use the standard monster font for the lettering. The silhouette of kids trick-or treating is a little unusual, and not especially spooky, but at least it’s evocative of Halloween. Below is a better view of the package, without the pesky popcorn ball itself in the way:
I was inclined to give it 2 points, but then I was especially impressed that they’re willing to prominently feature the actual popcorn ball itself through the clear cellophane (unlike Reese’s and others, which give an exaggerated, prettied-up illustration on the wrapper). Add to that the inspired bats on the package, and I’ll give it three points.
2. Appearance of the Treat. It’s perfectly spherical, which is a shape that evaded the old lady on Lewiston. All you really see is popcorn; there’s no evidence of corn syrup and the other gooey ingredients that transform popcorn into a popcorn ball. It’s totally acceptable, but unremarkable. 2 points.
3. Taste. Let’s get down to brass tacks: This is NOT a Lewiston popcorn ball. It’s not gooey, it’s not chewy. It’s sweet, but not overwhelmingly so. It reminds me of the pink popcorn bricks that I used to get at the circus or at Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. As a substitute for the Old Lady’s popcorn balls, this was a disappointment.
And yet. I always liked the pink popcorn bricks. Actually, this popcorn ball is reminiscent of kettle corn. It’s sweet and salty, and not all that filling. After finishing one popcorn ball (1 ounce, and 110 calories), I was ready to open a second. Only the intervention of my wife, who wields the word “muffin top” like a cudgel, stopped me from opening a second package. These are, in a word, tasty. I give them 2 points, mainly out of respect to the Unknown Lady of Lewiston.
4. Value. I’m told my bag of 12 popcorn balls cost $5.99. That works out to about 50 cents each. That’s a lot of fun for four bits. I give it 3 points.
Steve’s Sweetober Fest Score: 10 out of 12 points, which qualifies as a major TREAT. This is the new front-runner!
Chasing Phantoms 
Steve:
First, praise to all daughters-in-law, including yours for their attention to us old guys.
Secondly, here’s the corporate version of the backstory on Kathy Kaye:
“Growing up on a small dairy farm in Southeast South Dakota, Kathy Kaye developed her deep love for popcorn where it was her family’s favorite treat when the chores were done for the night. Since that early age, Kathy Kaye has loved being the “popper of the corn” and still enjoys popping corn, for her children and grandchildren, using the same well-seasoned pan she grew up with.In addition to popping corn, young Kathy Kaye loved to be in the kitchen making delicious goodies with her Mom and her Grandma. It was there, by her mom’s side, that she learned this simple truth of the kitchen…If You Want it to Taste Delicious, Use Quality Ingredients and Cook with Love.”
Third-ish, you were thinking of “Bit-O-Honey,” the wonderfully and seemingly-endlessly chewy candy bars some people used to crave in the late hours in the 1970s after smoking (then) illicit substances. At least, that’s what some of my friends told me…
LikeLike
I love the back story, which was probably written by some twenty-something who recently graduated from Ohio State with an advertising degree. But it’s still a good story.
LikeLike