I read in the morning paper that today Dunkin’ Donuts is introducing a new Halloween donut. Actually, the place evidently is no longer called “Dunkin’ Donuts,” but rather just “Dunkin’.” So not only have they given up on the noun in their name, all they’re left with is an adjective (or maybe a verb, depending on how you look at it). And it’s not even a complete word, since they long ago ditched the “G.” Such mistreatment of the English language normally would be enough for me to “write” off a business. And to tell the truth, I’m not sure that I’ve ever been to a Dunkin’ Donuts. Or to a Dunkin’, for that matter. But the morning’s news had me thinking that I needed to pay them a visit. For they’ve introduced a Spicy Ghost Pepper donut. This brings together three things that I value: a Halloween theme, a donut, and a high Scoville number. So I took a drive to the local Dunkin’, which let’s just say isn’t in the high rent part of town, and asked for the new Halloween donut at their drive-up window. The disembodied voice behind the speaker on the sign where I placed my order asked if I wanted the Spider donut or the Ghost pepper donut. Worried that this might be a trick question I asked for both. Let’s review what I got!
- Packaging. All they did was dump my donuts into their standard bag. But that’s SOP, and I don’t want to ding them too much for not having a festive, Halloween-themed bag. Let’s just give them a point and move on.
- Appearance of the Treats. Check out this Spider Donut:
Is that awesome, or what? The body (thorax? head?) of the spider is made with a chocolate donut hole, and the legs are chocolate icing. (The pedipalps appear to be missing, but I’ll overlook that.) The glaring orange eyes match the festive, pumpkin-orange icing on the main donut. This is one of the most imaginative and well-executed Halloween treats I’ve seen. Definitely 3 points.
Moving on to the Ghost Pepper donut. As much as I appreciate the play on “ghost” pepper for the holiday, I’m disappointed they didn’t get more into the visual, um, “spirit” of the thing. Couldn’t they make the whole thing a pearlescent white? Or put some eyes on it? Or shape it like a ghost? The red sprinkles do signify heat, but they don’t signify Halloween. 1 point.
3. Taste. The spider donut is a well-made donut with a sweet taste that’s rich without being heavy. Each bite has a spongy-soft, melt-on-your-tongue mouthfeel to it. And while the main donut isn’t filled with anything, it gives the impression of custard. The spider’s body has a nice chocolate taste that keeps things interesting. 3 points.
And now we arrive at the whole point of today’s outing: To sink our teeth into the Ghost Pepper donut. The ghost pepper is supposedly one of world’s the hottest peppers, so it’s a clever marketing strategy to dare manly men like me to prove our manliness by pushing the envelope on heat consumption.
Like the spider donut, the mouthfeel of this donut is excellent. And the first thing you taste are the strawberry icing and the sugar sprinkles. It’s a pleasant taste, but it’s certainly not at all hot. But then, after 5 to 10 seconds, the heat begins to materialize. It’s distinct, but not overwhelming. Sort of like cinnamon gum. Certainly I’ve had hotter taste experiences from a Costco pepperoni pizza. This donut did not get me to break a sweat. For something that’s justified almost solely on the basis of its heat, this was a disappointment. No points.
4. Value. These donuts were $1.49 each. For the spider, I’d call that a damn good value. 3 points. It seems a little steep for the ghost pepper donut, though. It’s just not that special. Definitely there’s less volume and less labor involved, compared with the spider donut. I can only give it 1 point.
Steve’s Sweetoberfest Score for Spider Donut: 10 out of 12 points, which is a solid TREAT.
Steve’s Sweetoberfest Score for Spicy Ghost Pepper Donut: 3 out of 12 points, which makes it a disappointing TRICK.
Chasing Phantoms 