Let’s just say from the outset that I’m not a huge Cheetos fan. But we’re on our 20th day of this Halloween Treat Expedition, and we’re running out of obvious choices. Plus, some of the items that I really wanted to review, like Peeps pumpkins and Cap’n Crunch’s Halloween Crunch (“the ghosts turn the milk green!”) have been sold out weeks now.
So when I saw this a special bag of Cheetos called a “Bag of Bones,” I figured I should nab it. And now you get to benefit from my selfless sampling of the product.
- Packaging. This is a pretty good Halloween-themed bag. “Bag of Bones” is written in standard “scary” script, and there’s even an inexplicable skull poised over the “E.” The Cheetos are illustrated on the package in the shape of bones, and they even exchanged their usual hideous orange color with a bone-colored white cheddar coating. The package shows how the bones can be assembled into a skeleton. The background is midnight blue, with lightning bolts surrounding the bones. This is clearly a Halloween theme. 3 points.
- Appearance of the Treat. The whole point of these Cheetos is that the look like skeleton bones. Which is kind of a “humerus” concept. I dug through the bag and put together a skeleton:
This skeleton is clearly fatter (?) than the one shown on the bag. He might have a bad case of elephantiasis. Or perhaps the baking process has some quality control issues. Either way, this skeleton has issues. Also, I was trying to figure out what the crescent-shaped bone is supposed to be. The bag has a million of them. I decided it must be the hips. But looking again at the illustration on the front of the bag, there are no hip bones. It appears that the mystery bone is simply a broken fragment of the skull. Another ding to quality control. I guess I’ll give the appearance two points, but that’s being generous. I can’t help myself.
3. Taste. As I said, I’m not a huge fan of Cheetos. But these struck me as especially odd. The white cheddar flavor is not something you’d associate with Cheetos, and it comes across as particularly weak and salty. The bone-shaped Cheetos also felt airier than regular Cheetos, and as soon as you start to crunch them with your teeth they dissolve into a thin, gummy paste, while white cheddar dust coats your face. Repurposing an advertising line from Jiffy Pop, I’d say that these skeletons are more fun to make than they are to eat. 1 point.
4. Value. This 7 and 1/2 ounce bag cost me $2.59. That’s about 35 cents per ounce, which isn’t a bad price. However, the 8 and 1/2 ounce bag, sitting on the same shelf, was going for a dime less. So it seems that the Cheetos people are charging a premium for this special version, which (in my opinion) tastes worse than the original. I can only give this 1 point.
Steve’s Sweetoberfest Score: 7 out of 12 points, which is barely a TREAT.
Chasing Phantoms 