One of the best things about doing this treat blog in October is that I feel obligated to purchase and consume sweets on a daily basis. (Don’t try this at home; I’m a trained professional.) This morning, for example, I was feeling a bit peckish for a baked good. The treat gods were apparently smiling on me, for when I got to the grocery store there was a Halloween-themed cinnamon roll staring back at me from the bakery case.
Cinnamon rolls, I think we can all agree, are basically a delivery system for icing. No one really cares about the relatively-bland, sometimes-dry bread that serves as the foundation for the cinnamon roll. In fact, if that bread didn’t have cinnamon, I’m pretty sure it would indistinguishable from a slice of Wonder Bread. But something magical happens with you add the icing. The genius of the cinnamon roll is the “roll” part; that is, you get icing not just coating its exterior surface, but you also get icing (or sometimes a cinnamon-sugar goo) lining the interior spiral.
I’ll admit that you don’t normally think of cinnamon rolls as part of the Halloween Treat Pantheon. But the good people at Ralph’s decided to drizzle an orange icing on top of the traditional white icing, instantly turning it into a Halloween Treat. This might be classified as gilding the lily, but I’d call it inspired. You can’t have too much icing. (Refer to the previous paragraph.)
So let’s get on with the review!
- Packaging. The packaging consists solely of a clear plastic clamshell. There’s no brand name, no cute mascot, no description, no “nutrition facts,” no nothing. But even though I can’t give the packaging any points for Halloween imagery, I will, per tradition, award 1 point for letting me see the actual treat prior to purchase.
2. Appearance of the Treat. Although simple in concept, the appearance of this cinnamon roll is impressive. It starts with a standard cinnamon roll with regulation white icing. It’s then drizzled with a secondary icing in that perfect shade of Halloween Confectionary Orange which both denotes Halloween and promises sugary goodness. The design of said secondary icing is evocative of a spider web, and reminds me of the logo of Boris Karloff’s “Thriller” television series from the 1960s.
So let’s review: Halloween orange, sugary goodness, Boris Karloff. That’s worth 3 points.
3. Taste. On the one hand, the bread of this cinnamon roll, like so many cinnamon rolls, was disappointingly dry. Clearly they skimped on the all-important cinnamon goo which belongs along the inner spiral. But the double-icing coating inclined me toward forgiveness. The icing was thick and fresh and gooey, and suffused my mouth, almost (but not quite) masking the dryness of the bread. So let’s do the math: 3 points for the icing, and 1 point for the bread, produces an average of 2 points.
4. Value. This fresh-baked, generously-iced treat set me back a mere 4 bits. Over time that works out to maybe $10 per cavity. It’s definitely a good value. 3 points.
Steve’s Sweetoberfest Score: 9 points out of 12, making it a solid TREAT. If you can’t find one at your local grocery store, at least you can watch Thriller on YouTube for free.
Chasing Phantoms 