Children of the (Candy) Corn

Ah, yes. Candy corn. One of the most maligned of Halloween “treats.” It’s the candy that every kid fears when trick-or-treating. It’s the fruit cake of Halloween. It’s the cheap alternative to proper chocolate candies that are purchased by Halloween grinches.

Now, as every schoolchild knows, candy corn was introduced to the unsuspecting world in 1888 by the Wunderle Candy Company. Its original name was “Chicken Feed.” (I’m not making this up.) Wunderle never really capitalized on their invention, which was marketed much better by Goelitz Candy around the turn of the century. Goelitz had the presence of mind to change the name to “candy corn.” Goelitz, as you may know, changed its own name to “Jelly Belly” in the late 20th Century.

Today, Brach’s controls 85% of the Halloween candy corn market. Which is a market with virtually no demand among end-users, but is purchased by households to pass out to unsuspecting trick-or-treaters.

Candy corn has somehow become an iconic Halloween “treat,” although it’s highly divisive and seemingly hated by all. Therefore, it makes sense that candy corn should somehow be featured in a Halloween cocktail. So here we go!

The Recipe: Betty Crocker has a recipe for something called a “Halloween Candy Corn Cocktail.” It’s easy to make and it highlights the “candy” prominently. You start by dumping 1 cup of candy corn into 1-1/2 cups of vodka. Let it stand for at least 4 hours. (I let mine slowly dissolve overnight.)

Now, strain the remaining candy out of the vodka mixture, and you’ve got a candy corn-infused vodka base. Pour 1/2 cup of the infused vodka into a cocktail shaker, add 1/4 cup of pineapple juice, and add ice. Shake and pour into a martini glass. Garnish with a couple of candy corns.

The Ratings:

This cocktail accomplishes the unthinkable: it takes candy corn and makes it taste worse.

But first things first: In terms of appearance, this cocktail definitely features the unmistakable orange color that’s in the center layer of candy corn. But it does not display the iconic tricolor layers (yellow, orange, white) that candy corn is known for. Truth be told, this cocktail looks pretty boring and unappealing. 1 point.

Let’s move on to taste: This cocktail tastes a lot like candy corn…which isn’t surprising because it’s actually made with a cup of candy corn, dissolved in vodka. I don’t know if the different layers (yellow, orange, white) of candy corn impart their own distinct flavors, but this cocktail obviously just has one nondescript flavor. The other thing I noticed is that you eat candy corn one little piece at a time, allowing your tongue and stomach to kind of pace themselves and ease into the experience. But this cocktail concentrates 5-10 candy corns into each gulp. On top of this, there’s an added quarter-cup of pineapple juice that seems a bit out of place. The juice adds sweetness where it’s not needed, and inserts a little tang that’s totally inappropriate. The overall effect is, in a word, gross. No points.

(I did try a second version that omits the pineapple juice. That is, I tried drinking just the infused vodka by itself. Result: Huge mistake. The vodka is made more prominent, and the candy corn flavor is way too cloying without the pineapple juice to cut it.)

Name: Could there be a name more pedestrian, unimaginative, and unappealing than “Halloween Candy Corn Cocktail”? No points.

Grand Total: 1 point. We have a new record (for low score)!