So, for reasons that are fast becoming obvious, I’m thinking of renaming this blog series, “Steve Ruins 31 October Cocktails.”
For today, I was feeling like it was time to make something with a high visual factor. And I landed on eyeballs (not literally). There are a number of Halloween cocktails that add eyeballs to the drink, so I figured I’d pick one.
Almost all the recipes I found used lychees for the eyeballs, with blueberries for the corneas. Judging from the photos, these are perfect imitations, all bloody like they were plucked from a cadaver.
Now, I never heard of a lychee, but I figured the good folks at Safeway would know exactly what I was talking about. The millennial who was stocking the shelves looked at me like I was insane, but directed me to her (only slightly older) manager. The manager corrected my pronunciation (“It’s not LIE-chee, it’s LITCH-ee”). But despite her supposedly knowing the correct pronunciation, she seemed lost. “I think lycees are a kind of cheese,” said she. I thanked her and walked in the opposite direction from the cheese.
I googled “does Safeway carry lychees?” on my phone, and was informed that yes, Safeway does indeed carry this tropic fruit.
And yet I was unable to locate a single can at my friendly neighborhood Safeway. I asked more employees, but it seemed that they were all getting ready to call security. So I moved to plan B: I googled “How to make Halloween cocktail eyeballs?” As I mentioned, the most popular answer involved lychees, but I did find one site that recommended stuffing a pimento olive into a peeled radish. I made the necessary purchases, and came directly home.
Now, the lychee-based cocktails all used some kind of fruit juice, but I figured the radish/olive combo would clash with the fruit. So I figured I’d keep this simple and add the eyeballs to a proper martini.
My favorite martini uses dry gin and dry vermouth, but I don’t make it “dry.” That is, I use almost as much vermouth as I use gin. I also add a healthy dose of angostura bitters. Specifically:
The Recipe: Add 2 oz gin and 1.5 oz dry vermouth to a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake (don’t stir) and pour into a martini glass. Add a healthy dash of Angostura bitters. For the eyeballs, remove the red skin from a couple of radishes using an apple peeler. Hollow out the middle with a paring knife and/or a small melon baller, and stick a pimento olive into the cavity. Drop the “eyeballs” into the glass.
The Ratings: The appearance is pretty much what I’d hoped for. The eyeballs are recognizable if not convincing, and they kind of peer at you through the briny martini. This would make a fun drink to serve to an unsuspecting guest. I’ll give it three points.
As for the taste: Well, it’s my longtime favorite martini! Of course I’m going to rate it high! The vermouth and the gin interplay perfectly, and the bitters provide interest and depth. However, I do need to knock the score down a bit because of the slight radish taste imparted by the eyeballs. So, three points.
The name of the drink that described the radish eyeballs was a “sake-tini” (that is, a martini made with sake). Sake-tini is one of the least spooky names for a Halloween cocktail. However, I didn’t actually make a sake-tini; instead, I made a wet martini. That too is a singularly un-spooky name. But I think it would be fair for me to name my martini, particularly when I’ve added eyeballs to it. Let’s call it a Zombie Socketini. And for that I’ll award 2 points.
Grand Total: 8 points.
Chasing Phantoms 