What do you know about vodka? All I remember from my Russian language class in grad school is that “vodka” means “little water.” And thus it’s supposed to have little if any taste. (My wife makes the same claim about me.) Anyway, because it doesn’t bring a lot of baggage, vodka considered to be a great mixer.
Of course, the “it tastes like water!” slogan poses a problem for distillers trying to stand out. How can you differentiate your product if it tastes like water. Of course, the folks at Fiji Water and Smart Water and countless other tap-water purveyors have managed to find a way.
And thus we come to today’s Advent spirit, which is Helix7 Vodka.
I checked out their distractingly-fussy, trying-too-hard website, featuring Scandinavian dudes who look like Thor working at the stills, disaffected hipsters smoking giant cigars, and obscure Viking references. Here’s how they describe their vodka:
“WE SOURCE THE HIGHEST QUALITY WHEAT FROM THE CHAMPAGNE REGION OF FRANCE.
This premium spirit is then shipped to Iceland where its [sic] carbon filter [sic] and blended with icelandic [sic] water. Icelandic water has a very low mineral content and a high alkaline level which ensures a clean crisp taste to the end product.
With this perfect blend of high-quality spirit from France and high quality water from Iceland helix hits the optimal balanced pH of 7.4
This never before made, blend of French spirits and Icelandic water, together creates [sic] the DNA of this ultra premium vodka. This is the inspiration of the name helix, which is the name of the two shapes in a DNA thread.”
So let’s overlook the poor editing and try out the vodka!
Appearance: It’s clear. Like water. Nothing to see here. Literally.
Aroma: There’s a very slight hint of Windex, but otherwise there’s no aroma. Again, I think this is a good thing, consistent with the ideal nature of the spirit.
Taste: Oh. My. God. Where have you been all my life?? I have to admit this is among the smoothest vodkas I’ve tasted. It’s like feathers wrapped in cotton, then floated from a gossamer tether tied to a helium balloon. I don’t know if it’s because of the supposedly “optimal balanced pH of 7.4,” but this vodka gently caresses your tongue with no drama and no empty promise to respect you in the morning. Like any good vodka, you really don’t taste much at all. There’s a very slight sweetness, as though someone dissolved a single grain of sugar in this small bottle. You can detect it, but it doesn’t predominate. And maybe a slight hint of baked bread comes through from that French wheat, but if you notice it at all it’s faint and triggers only pleasant memories of a mom-and-pop bakery in your neighborhood when you were growing up in Greenwich Village. In short, this stuff is a pleasure to drink straight. I could throw back a tumbler of this stuff no problem. But I suspect you’d want to mix it into a cocktail–maybe a Moscow Mule or a Cosmopolitan?
Finish: There’s a tiny hint of burn on the finish, but nothing like the hideous blistering you’d experience from Popov or similar rot-guts. This stuff mainly just leaves you with a warm feeling of Good Will Toward Men. Seriously; it would make a great nightcap!
Bottom Line: I’d call this the vodka of choice for people who don’t like vodka.
Chasing Phantoms 
Sold!
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