Advent Spirits Day 15: Broken Boundaries Bourbon

Over the past couple of weeks I have wondered how spirits are selected for this Advent calendar. Do distillers pay to get their spirits included? Does The Mixologer (the company that makes the calendar) actually have a particular standard they are applying when the select the spirits? And why are approximately half of them bourbon?

That last question is explained on The Mixologer’s website, where they explain “Our team of mixologists have [sic] hand selected 24 uniquely delicious spirits for your enjoyment. We know many of you are bourbon aficionados so 50% of the selections are premium bourbons.” Now, how they know how many of their potential customers will be bourbon aficionados is unexplained, but it’s probably circular reasoning. It seems that bourbon aficionados would be drawn to an advent calendar that is heavily tilted in the bourbon direction.

Anyway, I do think I’ve discovered why one particular spirit was included. And it’s today’s spirit: Broken Boundaries Bourbon.

For as I was looking up info on this spirit, I learned that it’s sold by The Mixologer–i.e., it’s sold by the same company that makes the Advent calendar. Of course, that’s not necessarily a problem. In fact, if they didn’t include their own bourbon, I would question why. So, let’s see what they have to say about it on their website:

“We didn’t start The Mixologer to be defined by boundaries. With great customers as our guide, we’ve always been determined to build world-class spirit products, fighting through the barriers. We aim to be bold and fearless in all our adventures. And we hope to invite you along for our fun ride into the unknown. [It has] notes of vanilla, brown sugar, caramel, tobacco, and good times. [It is] aged 5 years. Mash Bill: 66% corn, 20% malted barley, and 14% rye.” I would add that this is 90 proof, which is on the high side for a bourbon.

OK, as usual the first three sentences tell us nothing. “We aim to be bold and fearless in all our adventures.” Whatever, dude. But again, let us not be distracted from the litmus test, which is: What’s the stuff actually like? Here we go:

Appearance: It’s the color of organic apple cider vinegar that some kid dropped a Runt apple candy into, thus giving it a very slight red cast.

Aroma: Unlike some other bourbons from past weeks, this one has a pronounced aroma. (And aroma is pronounced əˈroʊmə). I smell toasted marshmallow-flavored Jelly Belly, vanilla, and a fresh-baked bialy. It’s actually quite appealing.

Taste: Yuck! This tastes nothing like what I expected. It’s very vegetal, like maybe asparagus or Brussels sprouts or something else I hated as a kid. Could this bourbon have possibly gone bad? Seriously, this is not how a bourbon should taste. It’s like eating a salad that has some mystery ingredient that you can’t quite place, but that you know doesn’t belong there, and it therefore ruins the whole meal. It’s like when you store leftover banana cream pie in a Tupperware container, but the container has been forever imprinted with the sardines that you accidentally left in it at the back of the fridge for a year, and thus your lasagna acquires that disgusting, overpowering flavor note. In a word, this is foul.

Finish: The finish is mainly just a sense of relief that the offending spirit has exited your mouth and is being converted to harmless urine.

Bottom Line: I think we’ve seen how “boundaries” sometimes are a good thing, and shouldn’t be broken.