Every time I walk the aisles at Total Wine–which isn’t more than once a week or so–I spy a bottle of bourbon called “Larceny.” Over the past decade we’ve seen an increasing trend of winkingly naming your alcoholic beverage with a negative word, and hoping everyone will see you as the ironic hipster you pretend to be. Exhibit A is Snoop Dog’s “19 Crimes” wines. Exhibit B is Klamath Basin Brewing Company’s “Butt Crack Brown Ale.” I’m not making this up. I suppose these are the natural progression of absolutely every restaurant calling their chocolate dessert “decadent” in the hopes that giggling BFFs would see it as an indulgent way to prove how transgressive they are.
Which brings us to Larceny Bourbon. It’s named in honor of a late-19th century federal Treasury agent named John E. Fitzgerald who, by virtue of his position, had access to bourbon warehouses. Legend (or maybe just Larceny’s PR team) has it that Fitzgerald would steal the best bourbon from those warehouses, and that best bourbon, supposedly, was the kind that used wheat instead of rye. So Larceny is supposedly carrying on the legacy by making their bourbon with wheat.
Let’s see how the distiller (which, to be honest, is mega-distiller Heaven Hill) describes it:
“Our signature Wheated Bourbon balances aromas of toffee with the buttery taste of caramel and subtle notes of honey. Mix it in a cocktail or sip it on the rocks. Tonight is yours for tasting.” OK, let’s see if this wheated mash bill is really something to write home about.
Appearance: It’s exactly the color of the railroad pocket watch that I received for Christmas when I was eleven years old. It had a clear plastic front with shiny gold-colored paint on the back cover. It also had a cheap gold-colored chain with a clasp on the end that I affixed to my belt loop. I’m sure I looked like a total dork–a kid in the 1970s with a 19th-century pocket watch in his Levi’s. Maybe I would have fit in better in John E. Fitzgerald’s day.
Aroma: I’m sure this is just the power of suggestion, but it smells like an old lock that’s been sprayed with WD-40. And if you know WD-40, you know it’s a pleasant smell.
Taste: I think the wheat does make a difference. This tastes quite distinct from the other bourbons we’ve tried this month. It comes across as smoother and not as spicy. I taste buttered Pillsbury dinner rolls, toasted walnut, and a little bit of metallic taste (from the lock, no doubt).
Finish: It’s an exceptionally smooth finish, with a clean and crisp aftertaste. You really don’t realize you’re drinking 92 proof bourbon.
Bottom Line: You should steal a bottle.
Chasing Phantoms 