Beignets and Broomsticks

October 26, 2024 steveboilard2 Comments

The Missus and I have an event to get ready for this afternoon, and I’m helping a neighbor with a fence project this morning, so I got up at zero dark thirty to make the half-hour drive out to a promising donut shop to take care of the Treat of the Day. (It’s all for you, gentle reader!)

Anyway, when I arrived at Heavenly Donuts in Cameron Park, they were doing a brisk business. When I got to the front of the line I asked the smiling donutier (that’s what you call him, right?) for something related to Halloween. Puzzled look. “You know, like maybe orange and black frosting? Or shaped like a pumpkin? Or with a blood-colored filling?” I received the same puzzled look, then: “Not exactly. But we have beignets.”

I decided to abandon this effort and try another donut vendor….but not before I snagged a couple of crullers. (A man’s got to eat.)

Next stop was a place called Fork Lift, which is a grocery store with an impressive bakery. Once again, I was shut out on Halloween donuts, but they did have Halloween cupcakes. I selected one with a witch’s hat and took it back to the Chasing Phantoms testing labs. So here we go:

Conceptual Soundness: There something really minimalist about this. It’s just a plain old vanilla cupcake with a hat plopped onto it. But the hat is immediately recognizable as a witch’s hat, and it clearly dominates this treat. It’s iconic and evocative, and it seems to suggest a story just by sitting there. I’m smitten. 4 points.

Appearance of the Treat: In a word, it’s adorable and festive. (OK, that’s two words.) And it’s not just me. The person who packaged it up for me gushed about how skilled the baker is with the hat. “It’s amazing how she gets the shape just so!” The cashier who took my money was similarly bewitched (ha!) by the cupcake. And when I got home, even the Missus, who hasn’t make a habit of encouraging me on this month-long treat journey, acknowledged that the cupcake was cute. You have to admire both the design (pointed, listing witch’s hat complete with buckle) and the execution (patient and skilled). On top of all that, they package it up in a plastic container so it can survive the journey home. (Recall that the apple-caramel cookie I got the other day was just stuffed in a bag.) So I really need to give this cupcake the full 4 points.

Taste: Now, I assumed the witches hat was made of some kind of marshmallow. It sure has that texture and appearance. I was looking forward to getting a mouthful of that flavored marshmallow goodness combined with the vanilla cake base. So imagine my disappointment when I discovered that the entire witch’s hat is made of black frosting.

*Serving size: 1 cupcake. Total calories: 1 billion.*

Now, I have nothing against frosting per se, but this cupcake has far more frosting than cake. The frosting completely dominates, coating your tongue, getting between your teeth, gumming up the small amount of cake comes with each proportional bite. The last time I experienced anything like this was when I was nine and I ate a large can of pre-mixed Betty Crocker chocolate frosting with a neighborhood friend who stole it from his mom’s cupboard. Bottom line: This cupcake has sacrificed taste on the altar of cuteness. Zero points.

Value: One of these cupcakes costs $3.50. That’s not bad for a well-decorated cupcake. But unless you’re planning to harvest the copious frosting and transfer it to the top of a birthday cake, there’s really no value in this inedible cupcake. Zero points.

Total Treat Score: 8 points/16 points.

And “Altar of Cuteness” would make a great title for a Prog-Rock album.

MAIL BAG

In response to yesterday’s review of “Missing Body Parts,” loyal reader Detlef K. shared this image of a (revolting) charcuterie board for your next Halloween party. Enjoy!

*On second thought, I think I’ll skip the appetizers.*

I Ain’t Got No Body….

October 25, 2024 steveboilardLeave a comment

One of my favorite movie scenes comes from Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein:

It’s kind of a contrived and corny gag, but it’s no less fun because of that. Plus, the more times you watch Young Frankenstein, the funnier and more lovable it becomes. Try it!

I was reminded of that scene as I drove past this Halloween decoration (?) this morning.

I was heading to the historic town of Folsom (pop: 82,000) to meet a friend for lunch. After a bratwurst on a pretzel bun (which, the tavern wench [her words, not mine] assured me, was their seasonal specialty) I walked across the street to Snooks Chocolate Factory. Here I asked the friendly proprietor what they had in the way of Halloween treats. I was led to a display case with two promising options: one was a chocolate in the shape of a bat, and the other was a small bag of “missing body parts.” Sticking with the theme of the skeletal recycler (who’s clearly missing numerous organs), I went for the missing parts.

Once I got home I then submitted the “missing body parts” to the rigorous testing you’ve come to expect here at Chasing Phantoms. So let’s get into our review.

*But how can they be “missing” if they’re right there in the bag?*

Conceptual Soundness: As you know, gummies (also called “jelly sweets” for our British friends) are jiggly, sticky, chewy little candies made out of gelatin. The first ones date back to 1864, when a company named Fryers of Lancashire made something called Unclaimed Babies, which during World War I became “Victory Unclaimed Babies.” I am not making this up. I’m guessing these were the precursors to today’s Sour Patch Kids.

Today gummies are frequently manufactured into revolting shapes (worms, spiders, fish…) They are also often powerfully flavored as sour, hot, licorice, fruit, etc. So, they’re a versatile canvas for a Halloween treat. I suppose making them into little “missing body parts” (brains, eyeballs, fingers) is a decent nod to Halloween. And by “decent” I mean 2 points.

Appearance: On the positive side, these are realistically rendered. The eyeballs are bloodshot, the brains have lots of convolutions, the fingers have well-defined cuticles. I think both the molding and coloring processes are top-notch. My only objection is that the fingers are colored red, yellow, and green, which seems like an odd choice. Overall, though, it’s a gross and revolting collection of body parts, which is of course what they were shooting for. 3.5 points.

Taste: Here’s my suggested slogan: “They taste as revolting as they look!” And by “revolting” I don’t mean really sour or spicy like some gummy candies. Instead these taste like very-slightly-sweetened hacky sacks. And they leave behind a lingering sensation like you’ve just been chewing on a wad of wax paper. It makes me wish my “missing body part” was my tongue. No points.

Value: A small 4-oz bag costs $4.50. This isn’t out of the question for a specialty candy shop. But I do think my money would have been better spent on the chocolate bat. I’ll give the value 2 points.

Total Treat Score: 7.5 points/16 points. So they don’t make good for an especially Halloween treat. But maybe they can be repurposed…

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween

C Is For Cookie…

October 24, 2024 steveboilardLeave a comment

Among the cast of characters at Halloween are various monsters: vampires, werewolves, witches, ghosts, goblins, zombies, etc. Most of these are scary, or at least eerie.

But then there’s the Cookie Monster. I’m not sure exactly what it is that qualifies him as a monster, but since “monster” is in his name, I’ll let it go.

There’s nothing scary at all about Cookie Monster. In fact, he’s beloved by toddlers all over the world. So let me explain why we’re talking about him: Today I went to the town of Folsom in search of a new Halloween-season ice cream. I went to Handels, which belongs to an Ohio-based chain of ice cream shops that all make their ice cream on premises. Among their seasonal flavors were the usual pumpkin and some kind of caramel-apple concoction. But what caught my eye was a bright blue ice cream called “Cookie Monster.” It contains not one but two kinds of cookies (Chips Ahoy and Oreos). Let’s try it!

Conceptual Soundness: Cookie Monster stuffs himself with cookies, and this ice cream is stuffed with cookies. That’s a pretty good concept, especially when you color the ice cream cookie-monster-blue. Let’s give it 3 points.

Appearance: As you can see, it’s close to the same shade of blue as Cookie Monster. You also see that they were quite generous with the cookie pieces, which jut out like tombstones from a hilltop graveyard. I wouldn’t say it looks especially appetizing, but it does look interesting and novel. That’s worth 2 points.

Taste: Turns out this is just cookies ‘n’ cream (C&C) ice cream with blue food coloring. Don’t get me wrong; I like C&C ice cream. And this is a high-quality specimen of it. But it seems Handels missed an opportunity to leverage the blue color: give it a blueberry flavor, for example, or maybe add actual blueberries. Instead, if you were eating this in the dark, it’d be indistinguishable from ordinary C&C. Yes, there are two different kinds of cookies in this, but you really can’t distinguish them here. Its average-ness only justifies 2 points. That said, the quality of this ice cream is impressive, so that kicks it up to 3 points.

Value: I got a small cup, which cost $5.50. That’s slightly more than the B-R cone I had the other day. On the other hand, this scoop was significantly larger, and the quality was higher, and frankly the flavor was more enjoyable. 3.5 points.

Total Treat Score: 11.5 fabulous points! Ah-hah-hah!

MAIL BAG

One of Chasing Phantoms’ younger fans decided to check out the BuzzBallz we reviewed last weekend.

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween · Puns

Taking a Walk on the Wild Cider

October 23, 2024 steveboilard3 Comments

That’s the only apple-related pun I could come up with. I mean, there are others, but they’re pretty core-ny.

Anyway, whenever I think of October treats, my mind conjures up visions of apples, orchards, and scarecrows.

*Down the street from me; yes, we live in the country.*

Anyway, today I visited a place called Shorty’s. It’s a family-run bakery and gelateria in Placerville. It’s been open about a year now, and it’s been featured on Good Day Sacramento. The show featured a bubbly interview with owner Morgan Hunter. Check it out:

It’s a small shop, but they have a good variety of high-quality, homemade treats. I went for the apple caramel cookie. You know the drill:

Conceptual Soundness: The basic idea here is to convert a caramel apple into cookie form. Caramel apples are one of those fall/Halloween treats that combine classic tastes of fall into a single stick-mounted food that is fun to eat. (Check out my earlier review of a caramel apple here.) This could be hard to actually achieve in cookie form, but I like the idea of it. It deserves the full 4 points.

Appearance of the Treat. It’s an attractive cookie with a large, perfectly-baked cookie base, a generous topping of butter cream frosting, and a playful drizzle of caramel sauce. It looking tempting and fun. My only complaint is that the caramel sauce got a little mussed when they shoved it into a little paper sack. Seems a small plastic or cardboard box would have been a better way to transport a treat that’s as attractive as this one. I’m going to ding it a point for that. 3 points.

*Great cookie, but note the caramel damage.*

Taste: This reminds me of a cross between a caramel apple and a slice of apple pie. Either way, it’s delicious. The cookie base is soft, with a consistency almost of cake. The cookie dough is mixed with apple pie spices, which definitely come through in each bite. On top of the cookie is a rich butter cream frosting which has a thick consistency almost like cream cheese. One of the bakers told me it’s made with house-made, fresh apple juice, which helps to evoke the apple-on-a-stick experience. On top of the frosting they’ve drizzled a sweet caramel sauce that adds depth to the taste experience. Put it all together and this is a solid four-star cookie.

Value: Five bucks for a cookie seems a bit steep. But it’s a very large cookie, it’s hand-made in-house, and the ingredients are obviously fresh. Let’s give it a mid-range score of 2 points for value.

Total Treat Score: 13 points out of 16 points. If you find yourself in Placerville looking for soul food and a place to eat, swing by Shorty’s for a cookie and/or some gelato!

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Donut

October 22, 2024 steveboilard2 Comments

What is it about spiders and Halloween? I mean, there’s nothing inherently spooky about them. And most of them are completely harmless and tiny. And yet, they’ve become a Halloween staple.

*Well, sure–when they’re eight feet across, they’re a little creepy.*

There’s also something called the Marbled Orbweaver (Araneus marmoreus) which is informally known as the “Halloween Spider.” Not only does it have a skull-like body, it’s also venomous. So it’s earned its name.

And I get that arachnophobia is a thing. So, upon reflection, I guess spiders have a legit association with Halloween.

*Even Indiana Jones got a little grossed out.*

This is all top of mind because I paid another visit the recently-opened Baskin-Robbins/Dunkin’ store.

This time I asked for a Halloween treat from the donut side of the shop, and the young woman immediately pointed out the spider donuts. “I’ll take it,” said I. “Just one?” she asked. “Isn’t that enough?” I responded, noting each one carries 330 calories. Her:

If this doesn’t make sense, re-read yesterday’s blog entry.

So, let’s get down to business!

(NOTE: Dunkin’ introduced the Spider Donut in 2020, and I reviewed it in October of that year. Back then, the spider sat on an orange base; this year it’s purple. So that difference is my excuse for reviewing it again.)

Conceptual Soundness: We’ve already established, above, that spiders are an acceptable Halloween meme. And the good folks at Dunkin decided to create a spider out of their donuts. It’s a cartoonish version of a spider which is fun and lighthearted, and it sits on an iced donut. The whole thing is edible and easily transportable. It’s a sound concept indeed. 4 points.

Appearance of the Treat: This is “cute as all get-out,” as my aunt used to say. It’s a cake donut with a spooky dark-purple icing. Plopped on top of the center of the donut is a chocolate, glazed “donut hole” with two big globby eyes made out of white icing. Eight “legs” of chocolate icing sprout from the donut hole and drape over the ring donut. It’s clever and creative and cute. An easy 4 points for appearance.

Taste: Often these kinds of gimmicky shapes don’t actually taste that good. This is an exception. The purple icing seems to have a blueberry flavor (but that might just be the power of suggestion). The chocolate donut hole was at risk of being a little dry, but the glaze saved it. It tasted fresh and sweet (but not too sweet), and the amount of donut (about 1.25 standard donuts) was just right. I liked the taste, though I didn’t love it. Let’s give it 3 points.

Value: This guy costs $2.75 (or, 275 spidey-cents). (Ha!) Given the extra labor to decorate the donut, plus the fact that you’re getting both a donut and a donut hole, that seems like a decent price. Especially if you compare it to the scoop of ice cream on the B-R side of the shop that will cost you five bucks. 3 points sounds fair. (Note: When I reviewed the spider donut in 2020 it was only $1.49; those were the days…)

Total Treat Score: 14 points out of 16 points, which if that isn’t our high score it’s close! Log onto the “web” to find your nearest Dunkin, and then take a “spin” down there!