The Maxim of the Wary Dutch

October 27, 2024 steveboilard1 Comment

You probably know of a house or two in your neighborhood that comes into its own on Halloween. It’s the kind of house that looks a little Addams-y, or at least is well-designed to accommodate cool Halloween decorations. I noticed such a house on Highway 49 in Placerville this morning.

*Sort of like House of Seven Gables, on a hill with a mournful ghost and a graveyard.*

*The ghost, I assume, is a temporary addition for Halloween. But what about those lions?*

What’s missing from the house is a pumpkin. Perhaps a jack o’lantern will appear on Halloween, but a little orange would complete the look, I think.

And that’s my awkward way of introducing today’s Treat of the Day. Recall our conversation last week about Thrifty Ice Cream. Well, today I had the opportunity to get a scoop of said dessert at Rite Aid.

I scanned their (limited) selection of flavors, and found this “limited edition” seasonal offering:

Would it be as good as the Thrifty ice cream of my childhood? Let’s find out!

Conceptual Soundness: Let’s color some ice cream pumpkin-orange and call it “pumpkin spice.” That’s pretty much the whole concept. It seems half-hearted and derivative. Couldn’t they come up with a better name that made it seem unique or playful? Like “Let’s Give ‘Em Pumpkin to Talk About.” Or “Oh My Gourd!” They could also give it a bit more of a twist by adding something interesting, like candy pieces or rum or something. As a concept, this feels pretty flat. 1.5 points.

Appearance of the Treat: There’s a reason Thrifty ice cream is so inexpensive. They don’t put much effort or expense into appearance. The paper cup looks like it hasn’t been redesigned since 1985. Each scoop of ice cream is shaped like small can of chopped olives, with hole stabbed into the top c/o the clunky (but efficient) ice cream scoop that Thrifty has been using for decades The color is severely monochromatic and not even the right color. In a word, it’s boring. 1 point.

Taste: OK, this is absolutely delicious. It’s rich and creamy and sweet without being too sweet. I don’t really taste the much-touted “spice,” but that’s OK . This ice cream is so tasty, and the mouthfeel is so satisfying, that I am overlooking the misleading “pumpkin spice” promise. I had two full scoops and was left wanting more. You just can’t tire of this ice cream! 4 points.

Value: A cup was $2.50, which is half the price of B-R and other major ice creams. An easy 4 points.

Total Treat Score: 10.5 points/16 points.

Get a scoop and take it home to your haunted house!

BTW, the full quote referenced in the headline is: “The thrifty maxim of the wary Dutch/is to save all the Money they can touch.”

Beignets and Broomsticks

October 26, 2024 steveboilard2 Comments

The Missus and I have an event to get ready for this afternoon, and I’m helping a neighbor with a fence project this morning, so I got up at zero dark thirty to make the half-hour drive out to a promising donut shop to take care of the Treat of the Day. (It’s all for you, gentle reader!)

Anyway, when I arrived at Heavenly Donuts in Cameron Park, they were doing a brisk business. When I got to the front of the line I asked the smiling donutier (that’s what you call him, right?) for something related to Halloween. Puzzled look. “You know, like maybe orange and black frosting? Or shaped like a pumpkin? Or with a blood-colored filling?” I received the same puzzled look, then: “Not exactly. But we have beignets.”

I decided to abandon this effort and try another donut vendor….but not before I snagged a couple of crullers. (A man’s got to eat.)

Next stop was a place called Fork Lift, which is a grocery store with an impressive bakery. Once again, I was shut out on Halloween donuts, but they did have Halloween cupcakes. I selected one with a witch’s hat and took it back to the Chasing Phantoms testing labs. So here we go:

Conceptual Soundness: There something really minimalist about this. It’s just a plain old vanilla cupcake with a hat plopped onto it. But the hat is immediately recognizable as a witch’s hat, and it clearly dominates this treat. It’s iconic and evocative, and it seems to suggest a story just by sitting there. I’m smitten. 4 points.

Appearance of the Treat: In a word, it’s adorable and festive. (OK, that’s two words.) And it’s not just me. The person who packaged it up for me gushed about how skilled the baker is with the hat. “It’s amazing how she gets the shape just so!” The cashier who took my money was similarly bewitched (ha!) by the cupcake. And when I got home, even the Missus, who hasn’t make a habit of encouraging me on this month-long treat journey, acknowledged that the cupcake was cute. You have to admire both the design (pointed, listing witch’s hat complete with buckle) and the execution (patient and skilled). On top of all that, they package it up in a plastic container so it can survive the journey home. (Recall that the apple-caramel cookie I got the other day was just stuffed in a bag.) So I really need to give this cupcake the full 4 points.

Taste: Now, I assumed the witches hat was made of some kind of marshmallow. It sure has that texture and appearance. I was looking forward to getting a mouthful of that flavored marshmallow goodness combined with the vanilla cake base. So imagine my disappointment when I discovered that the entire witch’s hat is made of black frosting.

*Serving size: 1 cupcake. Total calories: 1 billion.*

Now, I have nothing against frosting per se, but this cupcake has far more frosting than cake. The frosting completely dominates, coating your tongue, getting between your teeth, gumming up the small amount of cake comes with each proportional bite. The last time I experienced anything like this was when I was nine and I ate a large can of pre-mixed Betty Crocker chocolate frosting with a neighborhood friend who stole it from his mom’s cupboard. Bottom line: This cupcake has sacrificed taste on the altar of cuteness. Zero points.

Value: One of these cupcakes costs $3.50. That’s not bad for a well-decorated cupcake. But unless you’re planning to harvest the copious frosting and transfer it to the top of a birthday cake, there’s really no value in this inedible cupcake. Zero points.

Total Treat Score: 8 points/16 points.

And “Altar of Cuteness” would make a great title for a Prog-Rock album.

MAIL BAG

In response to yesterday’s review of “Missing Body Parts,” loyal reader Detlef K. shared this image of a (revolting) charcuterie board for your next Halloween party. Enjoy!

*On second thought, I think I’ll skip the appetizers.*

2024 Halloween treats · Frankenstein movies · Halloween · Halloween candy

I Ain’t Got No Body….

October 25, 2024 steveboilardLeave a comment

One of my favorite movie scenes comes from Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein:

It’s kind of a contrived and corny gag, but it’s no less fun because of that. Plus, the more times you watch Young Frankenstein, the funnier and more lovable it becomes. Try it!

I was reminded of that scene as I drove past this Halloween decoration (?) this morning.

I was heading to the historic town of Folsom (pop: 82,000) to meet a friend for lunch. After a bratwurst on a pretzel bun (which, the tavern wench [her words, not mine] assured me, was their seasonal specialty) I walked across the street to Snooks Chocolate Factory. Here I asked the friendly proprietor what they had in the way of Halloween treats. I was led to a display case with two promising options: one was a chocolate in the shape of a bat, and the other was a small bag of “missing body parts.” Sticking with the theme of the skeletal recycler (who’s clearly missing numerous organs), I went for the missing parts.

Once I got home I then submitted the “missing body parts” to the rigorous testing you’ve come to expect here at Chasing Phantoms. So let’s get into our review.

*But how can they be “missing” if they’re right there in the bag?*

Conceptual Soundness: As you know, gummies (also called “jelly sweets” for our British friends) are jiggly, sticky, chewy little candies made out of gelatin. The first ones date back to 1864, when a company named Fryers of Lancashire made something called Unclaimed Babies, which during World War I became “Victory Unclaimed Babies.” I am not making this up. I’m guessing these were the precursors to today’s Sour Patch Kids.

Today gummies are frequently manufactured into revolting shapes (worms, spiders, fish…) They are also often powerfully flavored as sour, hot, licorice, fruit, etc. So, they’re a versatile canvas for a Halloween treat. I suppose making them into little “missing body parts” (brains, eyeballs, fingers) is a decent nod to Halloween. And by “decent” I mean 2 points.

Appearance: On the positive side, these are realistically rendered. The eyeballs are bloodshot, the brains have lots of convolutions, the fingers have well-defined cuticles. I think both the molding and coloring processes are top-notch. My only objection is that the fingers are colored red, yellow, and green, which seems like an odd choice. Overall, though, it’s a gross and revolting collection of body parts, which is of course what they were shooting for. 3.5 points.

Taste: Here’s my suggested slogan: “They taste as revolting as they look!” And by “revolting” I don’t mean really sour or spicy like some gummy candies. Instead these taste like very-slightly-sweetened hacky sacks. And they leave behind a lingering sensation like you’ve just been chewing on a wad of wax paper. It makes me wish my “missing body part” was my tongue. No points.

Value: A small 4-oz bag costs $4.50. This isn’t out of the question for a specialty candy shop. But I do think my money would have been better spent on the chocolate bat. I’ll give the value 2 points.

Total Treat Score: 7.5 points/16 points. So they don’t make good for an especially Halloween treat. But maybe they can be repurposed…

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween

C Is For Cookie…

October 24, 2024 steveboilardLeave a comment

Among the cast of characters at Halloween are various monsters: vampires, werewolves, witches, ghosts, goblins, zombies, etc. Most of these are scary, or at least eerie.

But then there’s the Cookie Monster. I’m not sure exactly what it is that qualifies him as a monster, but since “monster” is in his name, I’ll let it go.

There’s nothing scary at all about Cookie Monster. In fact, he’s beloved by toddlers all over the world. So let me explain why we’re talking about him: Today I went to the town of Folsom in search of a new Halloween-season ice cream. I went to Handels, which belongs to an Ohio-based chain of ice cream shops that all make their ice cream on premises. Among their seasonal flavors were the usual pumpkin and some kind of caramel-apple concoction. But what caught my eye was a bright blue ice cream called “Cookie Monster.” It contains not one but two kinds of cookies (Chips Ahoy and Oreos). Let’s try it!

Conceptual Soundness: Cookie Monster stuffs himself with cookies, and this ice cream is stuffed with cookies. That’s a pretty good concept, especially when you color the ice cream cookie-monster-blue. Let’s give it 3 points.

Appearance: As you can see, it’s close to the same shade of blue as Cookie Monster. You also see that they were quite generous with the cookie pieces, which jut out like tombstones from a hilltop graveyard. I wouldn’t say it looks especially appetizing, but it does look interesting and novel. That’s worth 2 points.

Taste: Turns out this is just cookies ‘n’ cream (C&C) ice cream with blue food coloring. Don’t get me wrong; I like C&C ice cream. And this is a high-quality specimen of it. But it seems Handels missed an opportunity to leverage the blue color: give it a blueberry flavor, for example, or maybe add actual blueberries. Instead, if you were eating this in the dark, it’d be indistinguishable from ordinary C&C. Yes, there are two different kinds of cookies in this, but you really can’t distinguish them here. Its average-ness only justifies 2 points. That said, the quality of this ice cream is impressive, so that kicks it up to 3 points.

Value: I got a small cup, which cost $5.50. That’s slightly more than the B-R cone I had the other day. On the other hand, this scoop was significantly larger, and the quality was higher, and frankly the flavor was more enjoyable. 3.5 points.

Total Treat Score: 11.5 fabulous points! Ah-hah-hah!

MAIL BAG

One of Chasing Phantoms’ younger fans decided to check out the BuzzBallz we reviewed last weekend.

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween · Puns

Taking a Walk on the Wild Cider

October 23, 2024 steveboilard3 Comments

That’s the only apple-related pun I could come up with. I mean, there are others, but they’re pretty core-ny.

Anyway, whenever I think of October treats, my mind conjures up visions of apples, orchards, and scarecrows.

*Down the street from me; yes, we live in the country.*

Anyway, today I visited a place called Shorty’s. It’s a family-run bakery and gelateria in Placerville. It’s been open about a year now, and it’s been featured on Good Day Sacramento. The show featured a bubbly interview with owner Morgan Hunter. Check it out:

It’s a small shop, but they have a good variety of high-quality, homemade treats. I went for the apple caramel cookie. You know the drill:

Conceptual Soundness: The basic idea here is to convert a caramel apple into cookie form. Caramel apples are one of those fall/Halloween treats that combine classic tastes of fall into a single stick-mounted food that is fun to eat. (Check out my earlier review of a caramel apple here.) This could be hard to actually achieve in cookie form, but I like the idea of it. It deserves the full 4 points.

Appearance of the Treat. It’s an attractive cookie with a large, perfectly-baked cookie base, a generous topping of butter cream frosting, and a playful drizzle of caramel sauce. It looking tempting and fun. My only complaint is that the caramel sauce got a little mussed when they shoved it into a little paper sack. Seems a small plastic or cardboard box would have been a better way to transport a treat that’s as attractive as this one. I’m going to ding it a point for that. 3 points.

*Great cookie, but note the caramel damage.*

Taste: This reminds me of a cross between a caramel apple and a slice of apple pie. Either way, it’s delicious. The cookie base is soft, with a consistency almost of cake. The cookie dough is mixed with apple pie spices, which definitely come through in each bite. On top of the cookie is a rich butter cream frosting which has a thick consistency almost like cream cheese. One of the bakers told me it’s made with house-made, fresh apple juice, which helps to evoke the apple-on-a-stick experience. On top of the frosting they’ve drizzled a sweet caramel sauce that adds depth to the taste experience. Put it all together and this is a solid four-star cookie.

Value: Five bucks for a cookie seems a bit steep. But it’s a very large cookie, it’s hand-made in-house, and the ingredients are obviously fresh. Let’s give it a mid-range score of 2 points for value.

Total Treat Score: 13 points out of 16 points. If you find yourself in Placerville looking for soul food and a place to eat, swing by Shorty’s for a cookie and/or some gelato!