The Least Popular of the Spice Girls

October 5, 2024October 5, 2024 steveboilard2 Comments

I’ve been trying to think of way to casually mention that I was (sort of) talking to Vincent Price’s daughter last night. Something like, “As I was saying to Victoria last night over dinner…” But it would be stretching the truth too much, even for me. The fact is that the good people at Poe Fest had asked attendees to send in questions for the interviewer to ask Victoria Price at last night’s screening of her father’s movie, The Masque of the Red Death. My question was among those that were used. So, in a way, I asked her a question and she answered it.

*Victoria Price, answering my trenchant questions.*

The movie itself I can’t really recommend to anyone but a Poe or Price completist. It’s a heavily padded and reworked version of Poe’s short story, and it’s unusually lurid and garish and heavy-handed in depicting Prince Prospero’s Satan-loving heart. But it was fun nevertheless, and the event was held in an impressive space that started out as Baltimore’s Eutaw Savings Bank in 1887. And they had it all dressed up for the occasion.

I also have to give a shout-out to Stephanie, one of the attendees who dressed up as The Red Death.

*If you’ve seen the movie, then you’re impressed by the verisimilitude of this costume.*

Anyway, it was a great event and my hat’s off to the Poe Fest organizers.

But let’s move on to the Treat of the Day. And for that, Iet’s recall the Spice Girls. They were ubiquitous in the long-since-passed Clinton era. They had albums, concert tours, even movies. Did you know they were the most popular “girl group” (their term, not mine) of all time? I think of them every time I hear the term “pumpkin spice,” which to me sounds like the name of a sixth Spice Girl. You know, kind of like the fifth Beatle.

Almost exactly 21 years ago (on October 10, 2003 to be exact), Starbucks introduced the pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL). Starbucks makes a big deal about how the PSL was “invented” in their “liquid lab” in Seattle, where mad-scientist researchers ate pumpkin pie and drank espresso and tried to replicate those flavors in a drink. The PSL recipe supposedly involves actual pumpkin puree, as well as sugar, espresso, milk, and of course pumpkin spice, which they define as “a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, cloves, and allspice that is commonly used in pumpkin pie.”

The PSL became an enormous hit, thanks in part to an intense marketing campaign, social media influencers, and Facebook posts. The PSL became Starbucks’ most popular seasonal beverage ever. Naturally, the soaring popularity of the PSL inspired a backlash, and today you can find plenty of haters online. The youngsters dismiss the drink as “basic,” which is about as damning as it comes.

So which is it? Is the PSL a seasonal classic that offers a fun way to immerse yourself in autumn? Or is it a soulless corporate meme that jumped the shark years ago? Chasing Phantoms decided to check it out!

Conceptual Soundness. It’s admittedly a good concept. Let’s combine the sensory experience of eating pumpkin pie with the taste and caffeine kick of espresso. What’s not to like? 4 points.

Appearance of the Treat: As with my “seasonal drink” at Dutch Bros, the PSL drops the ball by not using a festive cup. The drink looks like any other. Boring, and an obvious missed opportunity for a drink that Starbucks (and many others) consider iconic. No points.

Taste: I have to say: I don’t see what all the fuss is about. It seems to just be a latte with some sweetener. I detect a slight note of caramel, but I don’t taste any spice. Which is problematic for something called a Pumpkin Spice Latte.

The drink comes across as quite “flat.” There’s no texture, and it even seems a little watery, as though they used nonfat milk. (Note: I simply asked the barista for a pumpkin spice latte; no directions were given nor questions asked about type of milk, adding whipped cream, etc. This is the “standard” version.)

More than anything, it seemed as though something was missing. It was lacking in spice, lacking in mouthfeel, and it even seemed to be lacking in espresso. At least it wasn’t cloyingly sweet, and there are no off tastes. But overall this is a nothing burger. 1 point.

Value: I paid the odd amount of $6.84 for a grande. I know coffee is getting expensive, but that seems outrageous for such an uninteresting drink. 1 point.

Total Treat Score: 6 points.

Now it’s time for me to get back to Poe Fest. Tonight is the Big Reveal of the Saturday ‘Visiter’ Award winners! If your interested, below is a short discussion of my entry.

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween

Cult of the Raccoon

October 1, 2024October 1, 2024 steveboilardLeave a comment

I was browsing the display case at Starbucks, looking for my first seasonal treat to review. And staring back at me, with a look of something between surprise and horror, was the head of a raccoon impaled on a stick. This seemed promising.

For some reason, these raccoon cake pops are HUGE! And by “huge,” I of course mean they’re tiny. But they’re huge in the sense that they’re popular. You’ll find discussions all over the internet commenting on this “new addition to Starbucks’ fall menu.” The website Trendhunter gushes that the raccoon pops are “surprisingly realistic in design” and they “even [have] pointy little ears and dark rings around the eyes.” There’s even a whole subgenre of internet memes involving raccoons eating raccoon cake pops. Observe:

@sancheztheraccoon
Señor Sanchez may have a new favorite snack! Our 13 year old niece sent an e-gift card specifically for the littles so they could try the new raccoon cake pops from @starbucks it’s safe to say they are approved by the raccoon community 🤍🖤 Our local Starbucks said the cake pops are selling out by 2pm everyday, have you seen them at your local store? #lunatheraccoon #blonderaccoon #whiteraccoon #trashpanda #petraccoons #raccoon #raccoons #raccoonsoftiktok #raccoonpet #funnypets #cutepets #raccoonpets #pet #petraccoon #insomniac #funnyraccoons #petsoftiktok #exoticpets #spiritanimal #trashpandasoftiktok #trashpandas #raccoonlife #pets #raccooncakepops #starbucks
♬ Stuff We Did (from ‘Up’) – Piano Version – your movie soundtrack

Of course, none of this explains why a raccoon design should be featured in a fall lineup. But it is. And who am I to argue with Brian Niccol?

So let’s get this party started. As usual, we’ll be reviewing each treat using a four-factor grading system, with each factor earning up to four points.

Conceptual Soundness: So, this is a facsimile of a raccoon’s head impaled on a pike. Admittedly, I’ve never understood the whole cake pop concept. Instead of having a slice of cake, you’re going to get basically one bite of cake. And for reasons that are never explained, it’ll be stuck onto a stick. I mean, a lollipop or an ice cream bar or a shish kebob makes sense on a stick, since it takes a while to consume and it’s messy to hold. But a single bite of cake??? This thing is getting no conceptual soundness points from me! Zero points.

Appearance of the treat. Well, it is cute. The shape is reasonably well-defined, with little ears and everything. The eyes and nose and markings are created with icing. There’s no mouth, but that kind of lends to its cuteness. The base color is an odd blue-grey, which may or may not be the color of a raccoon in the wild. Overall, it’s playful, fun, and well-executed. I’m willing to give it the full 4 points for appearance.

Taste. Starbucks describes the pop as “vanilla cake mixed with buttercream, dipped in icing and finished with a raccoon-face design.” I have to admit, it’s delicious. The cake is moist, rich, and flavorful. The gooey frosting (buttercream?) that’s inside is what really brings the whole things together, lending a smooth texture and a more sophisticated taste…or at least, as sophisticated as is possible when you’re eating a miniature raccoon head stuck on a saliva-soaked stick. 4 points.

Value. One of these will set you back $3.95(!!!) That’s a lot for one procyonid-shaped bite of cake. By my calculations, the equivalent of one full cake would cost you $118.50. This is not a value, people. Zero points.

Total Treat Score: 8/16 points.

"A Dying WIsh" · Halloween · Halloween candy

October Eve

September 30, 2024September 29, 2024 steveboilard4 Comments

It’s September 30, which means two things:

It’s the 69th anniversary of James Dean’s death, and
October starts tomorrow!

October is my favorite month, for a number of reasons–the change in weather, the availability of darker and heavier beers on tap, and of course the approach of Halloween. Somehow all three of those come into play at the annual Poe Fest in Baltimore. The two-day festival is always held on the weekend closest to October 7, which of course is the date Poe died in Baltimore, under mysterious circumstances, in 1849. This year therefore marks the 175th anniversary of Poe’s death. Astute readers will recall I visited Poe Fest in 2019, and I’m returning this year for a very special reason. Let me explain:

Remember the story (“A Dying Wish”) I presented in serial form as part of last year’s October blog posts? I’m pleased to report that it’s been nominated as a finalist in Poe Fest’s literary contest called The Saturday ‘Visiter’ Awards. So I will be attending the Festival, where the winner of the contest will be revealed at the Black Cat Ball on the night of October 5. I will of course report on the outcome, along with photos, the next day.

Meanwhile, as has become our tradition here at Chasing Phantoms, we’ll be making daily Halloween-themed posts throughout the month of October. This year we’re bringing back a fan favorite: Daily reviews of seasonal treats.

*Just part of the day’s work here at Chasing Phantoms.*

Now, I’m aware there’s been some controversy over how we’ve defined “seasonal treats” in the past. This year we’ll be expanding the concept to its breaking point, like a Nerd Rope that’s stretched until it snaps and scatters little Nerd candies all over the carpet.

So let me be perfectly clear: We are defining “seasonal treats” as any nutritionally-suspect foodstuffs traditionally associated with the month of October. Specifically, we will be reviewing treats in four categories, with (roughly) a week devoted to each category.

Week 1: Seasonal offerings from chain coffee shops (Starbucks, etc)

Week 2: Halloween candy

Week 3: Seasonal offerings from ice cream and donut chains (BR, Winchell’s)

Week 4: Seasonal alcoholic beverages

Yes, we here at Chasing Phantoms are willing to conduct this research for the benefit and edification of our loyal readership. Think of us as a Halloween-themed version of Consumer Reports, just without the standards or credibility.

The fun kicks off tomorrow. Be sure to share the news with your friends!

cemeteries · churches · Ghost stories · Halloween · Road trips

Bonus! A True Halloween Story

October 31, 2023October 30, 2023 steveboilard3 Comments

I hope you all enjoyed this month’s Halloween offering, “A Dying Wish.” Of course, the way the timing worked out, the story ended on October 30 (All Hallow’s Eve Eve). So for today, which is Halloween proper, I offer this “true” ghost story for Halloween.

[Editor’s Note: Long-time readers may recall that I related this incident some years back, while I was on my US Route 60 trip. But that story appeared in the days when I was composing my so-called “blog” in Google Docs and emailing it to a small number of friends, so you might not have seen it. We pick up the story on Day 7 of my trip, as I’d entered West Virginia.]

It struck me today that this drive across the country on US 60 is similar in many ways to my trip across the country last fall on US 50. Sure, US 50 is a northern route, and US 60 is a southern route, so they each have a distinct flavor. But there are many similarities between the roads. Both are mainly two-lane highways, and both cut through the middle of countless towns. The two roads even end up in the same state, not too far apart. And this morning I was feeling that this leg, through West Virginia, feels as remote and lonely as US 50 passing through Nevada. They call that stretch of US 50 “The loneliest road in America,” and for good reason. In a similar way, today’s stretch of US 60 had me driving for long stretches without seeing a town or even another car. It’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s pretty therapeutic to be driving all alone along a windy road closed in on both sides with foliage. It’s calming and gives you time and room to meditate.

*The narrow ribbon of asphalt that is US 60, cutting through the briars and brambles of The Mountain State.*

As the afternoon wore on, the sky began to cloud over and the mountains began to take on a more melancholy feel. I was passing through the unincorporated village of Sam Black Church (named after a church building, which itself was named after an itinerant 19th-century minister). Here’s the church:

As I was passing through the deserted village and sensing the melancholy air, I came across this sign:

This was awesome! A “real” ghost story! (The full tale is explained here, in Wikipedia.)

Maybe it was just how my mood was affected by the weather and the long, solitary drive, but I felt compelled to find the grave of this Zona Heaster Shue. Surely she would be buried close by. After a quick consultation of Find-a-Grave on my iPhone, I found that she was buried in a churchyard just a few miles away. I set out for Soule Chapel Methodist Cemetery. The route was a narrow, twisting road over some hills, without a living soul anywhere in sight. Not so much as a grazing horse was out in the fields.

Finally, I arrived at the cemetery, which turned out to be a 150-year-old churchyard next to a white clapboard chapel. It was the perfect setting for a ghost sighting.

*“So sure of death the marbles rhyme, yet can’t help marking all the time/How no one dead will seem to come. What is it men are shrinking from?” -Robert Frost*

I walked among the graves and quickly found Zona’s headstone:

I have to admit that, while it was gratifying to have found the “ghost’s” grave, I was disappointed that the headstone looked so much fancier, perhaps newer, than the others in the cemetery. And it’s a little garish to identify her as the Greenbrier Ghost on her headstone. (The ghostly phantom you see in the headstone is my reflection, which just goes to show how shiny the headstone is.)

I should point out that this is Zona’s second headstone. She was first buried shortly after her death, but after her ghost supposedly appeared to her grieving mother, the authorities were compelled to exhume her body. Her corpse showed evidence (earlier overlooked) that she’d been murdered, and her husband was implicated and soon sent to prison. When she was re-buried, someone saw fit to identify her as the “Greenbrier Ghost” on her headstone. I assume that she’s OK with that, because even in death she doesn’t seem to be shy about communicating her complaints to others.

OK–It’s me again, on Halloween 2023. I hope you enjoyed all this month’s spooky offerings. Feel free to suggest your ideas for next October! Meanwhile, watch this space for another road trip soon.

sdb