Puns – Page 3 – Chasing Phantoms

Once upon a time (in 1921, to be exact) a guy named Barney Smith was born in Eastland, TX. Barney became a plumber, but he also indulged his artistic side. In his words: “I went to a plumbing supply house one time, and they had about 50 toilet seats out on the dock that they were going to throw away. And I said [to the owner], what are you going to do with those toilet seats? I would like to have some of these toilet seats to do some art on.” Somehow Barney managed to get all those seats, and he began transforming them into works of art.

The art took various forms, but in general he glued found objects onto the seats and added lettering and other ornamentation. Barney kept getting more seats, and there seemed to be no topic that he couldn’t capture in toilet seat art: history, celebrities, professions, geography, transportation, entomology…the list goes on and on. Eventually, over a period of 50 years, he created over 1,400 of these objets d’art. The collection turned Barney into a minor celebrity, appearing in magazines like Life and People, and on television news programs like the Today Show. He displayed the seats in his garage, but in his twilight years he sought out a more permanent, public venue to display his collection.

Barney in his garage in 2016. Photo c/o Bonnie Arbittier / San Antonio Report

Meanwhile, in 2018, a guy named Jason Boso was about to open an outdoor beer garden with a Cadillac Ranch vibe called “The Truck Yard” just outside Dallas, TX.

Paging Stanley Marsh 3–we may have found your car.

Jason had heard about Barney’s collection, and reached out to see if he could borrow a few pieces as decor for the Truck Yard. One thing led to another, and Jason ended up buying Barney’s entire collection, promising to put it on permanent public display. Barney Smith’s Toilet Seat Art Museum officially opened on Memorial Day 2019. The 98-year-old Barney Smith himself cut the…ribbon. A scant two months later Barney died peacefully, knowing that his toilet seats were in good hands.

I mention all this because I’m in the Dallas area for a family birthday celebration (Happy Birthday, Michael!) and I suggested to my ever-suffering wife that, as long as we’re in town, we should visit the toilet seat museum. Yes, she puts up with a lot of crap in this marriage. And, being a woman, she normally wouldn’t stand for anything toilet-related. But even though at first she pooh-poohed the idea of joining me, she realized it was her duty. And that’s why she’s Number 1 in my book.

When you enter the museum a small anteroom gives you the poop on the collection. Not only is there a plaque and the original toilet seat sign from Barney’s garage, but there’s also a wall of newspaper clippings and magazine articles about Barney and his toilet seats.

You then “pass” into the main museum room, whose ceiling is adorned with a variation on Michelangelo’s “The Creation of Adam.”

For scale, note the row of toilet seats along the top edge of the wall.

The walls are covered with the 1400-plus toilet seats that Barney decorated. Here’s just a small sample:

Ever receive a letter with postage “doo”?

I’m surprised he didn’t include this one.

OK, it’s time to cut out the toilet puns.

No offense to Mayor Hardberger specifically, but there’s something fitting about a politician getting free publicity from a toilet seat.

An unintentional tribute to the Queen. RIP.

I can’t say that any of this is high art, but the sheer scale is impressive. What’s more, you really get a sense of how Barney Smith was dedicated to his life’s work. Sure, he didn’t discover a cure for cancer, but it’s clear that he enjoyed a zest for life, loved people, and had a sense of humor. Surely the world needs more people like that. If you have a few extra minutes, check out this video of Barney at his garage-museum at age 96…shortly before the collection was moved to the Truck Yard. The part about Saddam Hussein’s toilet is especially interesting.

Although the main work of my Weiser trip (i.e., to track down the haunts of my Grandmother Burley) was completed and reported yesterday, I thought I’d add these final items that amused me during my more-than-one-thousand-mile round trip.

First, let me offer these final photos from the regional museum in Weiser:

One of the two creepiest displays at the Snake River Heritage Center.

…and the other one. (I love how composed these people are. They look like the wise men gazing down at the baby Jesus in a creche.)

Now, a few photos from various points of my trip:

“You had me at Unforgettable Restrooms.” Said no one ever.

Ruins of an old gift shop near Donner Summit, along the original Route 40 (which was superseded by I-80). The building was constructed in 1938, and the gift shop’s biggest sellers were said to be “owl ashtrays made from pine cones.”

I took a different route home than the route I took to Weiser. Recall that I’d taken I-80 to Winnemucca, and then headed north on US 95. For my return, I headed east out of Weiser and into Oregon for about 150 miles along Route 20, and then I headed south on US 395 for about 350 miles to Sparks, Nevada, and which point I headed west on I-80.

I’ve made a number of trips along US 395 in recent years (typical mentions are here and here). Most of my journeys along US 395 originated at its southern terminus in the Mojave. I can’t remember getting any further north than Hallelujah Junction (where 395 meets CA 70 in Lassen County). On my return trip today I extended my coverage to US 395’s more northernly section, from Burns, OR down to Hallelujah Junction. Even though US 395 is quite hot and desolate this time of year, it never ceases to intrigue me.