The humble Oreo has been a key figure in the cookie universe for over a century now. First introduced in 1912, the Oreo is as simple as it is tasty: It’s just two chocolate cookie wafers with a schmear of sweet frosting in between. It’s claimed that the Oreo is the most popular cookie in the world, but I haven’t been able to find any backup data. Also, there’s some uncertainty about the origin of the Oreo’s name. Wikipedia notes one theory “that the name derives from the Latin Oreodaphne, a genus of the laurel family…. [T]he original design of the Oreo includes a laurel wreath; and the names of several of Nabisco’s cookies at the time of the original Oreo had botanical derivations, including Avena, Lotus, and Helicon (from Heliconia).”

Halloween Oreos were introduced as a seasonal item in 1991. And late September of each year you can find me camped out in front of the grocery store waiting for the Halloween Oreos to appear. So that’s what we’re reviewing today.

1. Packaging. In Pavlovian fashion, I salivate every time I see this package. But aside from the promise of the gastronomic goodness inside, the package also has some worthy nods to Halloween. Such as the prominent use of orange lettering. There’s also the word “BOO!” spelled out in specially-shaped Oreos. And an Oreo with a smiling Jack O-Lantern embossed on its front appears as the middle “O.” The package also promises that the cookies have “5 spooky Halloween designs.” This all adds up to major Halloween Ju-Ju. Still, the design seems a little bare for a Halloween treat. No cobwebs? No skeleton hand holding a cookie? No bats flying the background? There’s plenty of bare, blue space that could have accommodated something along those lines. I’ll give it 2 points.
2. Appearance of the Treat. You can’t help but smile when you see these cookies. The most prominent feature is the substitution of orange creme for the usual white stuff. It’s bright and festive, and perfectly complements the chocolate wafer to produce the classic orange-and-black Halloween motif. But wait! There’s more! Each cookie (except for one in my package, which evidently was defective) has a “spooky Halloween design” embossed in the cookie. These designs are a jack o’lantern (featured on the front of the package), a spider web, a ghost, a witch, and a bat with the words “dare to dunk.” (That last one is, I think, a little lame. Surely a skull would have been better.) Overall, though, these are fun and whimsical cookies. Halloween wouldn’t be the same without them. 3 points.

Taste. Oreos have a classic taste that perfectly balances chocolate and vanilla. They also have an ideal mouthfeel, combining a crisp cookie wafer with soft icing. So, going into this, you know that you’ve got a great cookie. But then they improve it with orange icing!!

OK, OK. I know that the package says “same taste.” But I don’t buy that for a second. These cookies somehow taste better to me than the regular Oreos. I’m not sure how; the orange creme isn’t flavored like orange or pumpkin or anything. But still, it’s a slightly different and better taste, just by dint of being orange. I’ve gotta give this 3 points.

4. Value. This 20-ounce package, with about 40 cookies, set me back $5.29. That works out to about 13 cents per cookie. Where else can you get this kind of visual and gustatory satisfaction for such a pittance? I was inclined to give it 3 points, but then I noticed that regular Oreos were going for $3.99. Again, we’re getting charged a premium just for the seasonal embellishment. That knocks off a point. So, I’ll rate the value as 2 points.

Steve’s Sweetoberfest Score: 10 out of 12 points. A definite TREAT! Get them before they’re gone and you’re stuck choking down the plain Jane Oreos!

Attentive readers will recall my fond memory of receiving a popcorn ball one Halloween during my misspent youth. From that same general time I also remember another homemade treat: my mom’s caramel apples. They were a pretty simple affair that involved the dipping of skewered apples into a saucepan containing melted Kraft caramels. I seldom would wait for the caramel to harden; in fact, I scarcely waited for its temperature to drop into double digits. My technique was to scrape off the caramel coating with my teeth, and then to throw away the apple. (I used a similar technique with Oreos, which involved eating the exposed icing from a deconstructed cookie and then throwing away the chocolate wafers.)

Still, I have fond memories of caramel apples, which I associate with the Halloween season and with getting money from the tooth fairy in exchange for my caramel-dislodged teeth.

So imagine my nostalgic glee when I found a perfectly-shaped, whimsically-decorated caramel apple at my local Ralph’s grocery store. (Ralph’s is part of the same parent company as Kroger and Raley’s, so I suspect you can find this same confection near you.) On to the review!

1. Packaging. This caramel apple came on a black plastic tray, and was covered with a clear plastic domed lid. (For some reason, my photo of the domed lid didn’t turn out. Just take my word for this). Now, even though there’s no real Halloween theme to the packaging, I’m going to continue my practice of awarding 2 points for the honesty and transparency of letting the potential consumer see the actual treat through the clear covering. Also, this was a well-designed and sturdy package, which protected the treat from getting damaged in transit.
2. Appearance of the Treat. Now this is what Halloween noshing is all about: a classic Halloween confection, with thick caramel coating, decorated with sprinkles, and topped with a friendly, rosy-cheeked ghost. And that ghost is not just a decoration; it’s a ring that you can wear to show your Halloween spirit. This is a first-class caramel apple. 3 points.

3. Taste. Oh. My. God. This is a down-home, classic, homemade, fresh, wondrous treat. In the words of Willy Wonka, it’s scrumdiddlyumptious. The caramel is rich and thick, with pronounced notes of brown sugar and butter. It’s just gooey enough to provide a pleasant mouthfeel, without being too chewy. The granny smith apple is simply perfect — crisp and slightly tart, to temper the sweet caramel coating. The proportion of candy to fruit is spot-on. Seriously, this is the best caramel apple I’ve ever tasted. I happily award it 3 points.

4. Value. Well they ain’t giving these things away. This set my back $3.99, otherwise known as about 4 bucks. But it’s got a net weight of half a pound. That works out to 50 cents per ounce, which surely is a good value. It’s fresh, hand-made, festively decorated, and delicious. 3 points.

Steve’s Sweetoberfest Score: 11 out of 12 points. A definite TREAT! It’s tied with Melville’s monster marshmallow pop! I’m using a lot of exclamation points in this review!

OK, so early in this Halloween treat project we tried Jelly Belly’s pumpkins. And we weren’t impressed. But never let it be said that I hold a grudge. So today we give the big JB one more chance. This time we’re review their “Monster Mash” mix.

1. Packaging. This 1-ounce box of Jelly Bellies is obviously designed to be handed out to kids on Halloween. It’s compact (less than half the size of pack of cigarettes, which would make another good Halloween treat. The candy cigarettes, I mean). And it’s all tarted up for Halloween. There’s an orange background, a haunted house, and the Jelly Belly man has a cape, fangs, and (for some reason) a top hat. Let’s cite JB’s official marketing text: “This new 1 oz. box is perfect for handing out at Halloween or even receiving as a treat! Good for party favors or even decorations! Fat Free, Gluten Free, Peanut Free, and OU Kosher certified.” And then: “Mr. Jelly Belly is all dressed up and ready for a party on this special seasonal edition of our Flip-Top box, making it unique among our other Halloween items.” OK, I’m sold. I’ll give it two points, to simultaneously signal my appreciation of the Halloween effort, tempered by the decidedly non-Halloweeny concern about gluten and fat when it comes to Halloween treats.
2. Appearance of the Treat. Yes. Well. These are Jelly Bellies. Plain, boring, run-of-the-mill Jelly Bellies. There’s not the slightest effort to design anything new for Halloween (eye balls, little skulls, whatever). And they couldn’t even be bothered to put together a simple collection of orange and black beans. No, this is just a plain old mix of random Jelly Bellies. The marketing folks call it “a spooky mix of green apple, caramel corn, jewel orange, wild blackberry, and jewel grape soda.” There’s nothing spooky about any of that. Why not candy corn? Or pumpkin flavor? Or introduce a new “witches brew” flavor. Just try to make some kind of effort to connect this with Halloween. But no. It’s “jewel grape soda.” How spooky. How about no points.

3. Taste of the Treat. C’mon. They’re jelly beans,which are among the least interesting of the candy periodic chart. No points.

4. Value. This one-ounce box set me back a dollar. That works out to….let me get out the caculator…about a dollar an ounce. That would be reasonable for chocolates, maybe. But not for jelly beans. No points.

Steve’s Spooktoberfest Score: 2 out of 12 points, which makes it a nasty TRICK. Any kid receiving these at your door will surely egg your house.

Let’s hope we can find something better for tomorrow….