Halloween candy · Uncategorized

Day 3: Aflutter with Peanut Butter

Today we are trying another product from the Russell Stover pantheon: The “Russell Stover Peanut Butter in Milk Chocolate Pumpkin” confection.

Yes it’s very, very similar to Russell Stover’s marshmallow abomination that we reviewed yesterday. But in place of the marshmallow-flavored chemical filling, they injected this “confection” with peanut butter-flavored chemical filling. So let’s get down to the scoring, shall we?

1. Packaging: Russell Stover has to work to keep its rock-bottom price point, and one of the ways they do that is by recycling the artwork from other “candies.” Case in point: This peanut-butter flavored “pumpkin” is packaged in a wrapper that’s almost identical to RS’s marshmallow-flavored “pumpkin.” It’s got the same Nancy Pelosi-faced pumpkin, but instead of a smiling marshmallow next to it, there’s a smiling peanut that’s eerily reminiscent of Planters’ Mr. Peanut. In addition, there’s a superfluous peanut-themed tapeworm escaping from the top of the pumpkin. I suppose the fright occasioned by that image is in keeping with the general vibe of Halloween, but I’d classify it as revolting rather than spooky. Overall, the image is disgusting and childish. No points.

2. Appearance of the Treat: Once again, RS seems to be saving money by using the same mold (you can use either definition of that word) that they used with their marshmallow pumpkin, which we’d noted resembled…how can we put this delicately?…meconium. The sample we received for this particular review seemed to at least vaguely resemble a pumpkin, so we’ll give it a point.

3. Taste. So, when you think of a chocolate crust surrounding an allegedly peanut butter-flavored center, you think of Reese’s, which is clearly the Kleenex or the Xerox of such candies. This RS knock-off is not entirely offensive. If you just jam the whole thing into your mouth and don’t chew, it’s entirely edible. But if you do chew it, you discover that the texture is a bit sandy and the taste is saccharine-sweet. It’s probably acceptable if you’re just pounding your candy haul after a night of trick-or-treating. But if you’re attempting to savor a treat along with your cocktail, as I am, it’s a definite letdown. 1 point.

4. Value. You’re not eating Russell Stovers if you aren’t into value. These “pumpkins” are about 50 cents apiece. Which works out to about 25 cents per zit that you’re cultivating with these candies. That’s good value, right? 3 points.

Steve’s Sweetoberfest Score: 5 out of 12, which qualifies as a modest TRICK.

Mailbag: Loyal reader Chris suggests that I should pair each candy with an appropriate beer. But given the narrow range of beers that I’m willing to consume, every candy would be paired with an imperial stout. Still, it’s a good idea and might feature in my blog next Halloween. Meanwhile, keep those suggestions coming!

This Chart Will Help You Choose the Best Beer to Pair with Your Halloween  Candy | Kitchn
Halloween candy · Uncategorized

Day 2: Malloween

It’s impossible for me to see any kind of marshmallow confection without thinking of this abomination.

But Russell Stover, that purveyor of cheap drug store candy that is always available as a last-minute backup plan when you’ve forgotten your anniversary, has produced the definitive generic Halloween marshmallow candy. It’s a marshmallow blob, allegedly shaped like a pumpkin, coated in a chocolate-like substance. What’s not to like?

I don’t think these are commonly provided to trick-or-treaters at the door, but I do remember seeing them in the free candy bowl on the Waste Management table at a Southern California recycling fair one October. I’m not certain that anyone’s ever actually purchased one to consume themselves. Anyway, let’s get down to scoring!

Dimension 1: Packaging. Well, this is a little lacking in the spookiness department. The smiling marshmallow looks like something from a Saturday morning kid’s cartoon from the early 1970s. And the smiling pumpkin looks like Nancy Pelosi. I’m just not feeling it. Zero points.

Dimension 2: Appearance of the Treat. Well, if this is what a pumpkin looks like, I think you’ll see a lot of pumpkin shapes in your standard diaper. Zero points.

Dimension 3: Taste. Here I was pleasantly surprised. True, the dark chocolate doesn’t taste any more like chocolate than Nestle’s Quik, but the marshmallow filling is light and fluffy and inoffensive. It would be better if it had a little mint flavoring or something a bit stronger than bland marshmallow, but it wasn’t bad. And the texture was very acceptable indeed. 2 points.

Dimension 4. Value. This is where Russell Stover normally kills it. A one-ounce candy will set you back four bits. Compared to a Reeses, say, that’s downright affordable. 3 points.

Steve’s Sweetoberfest Score: 5 out of 12, which qualifies as a modest TRICK.

Halloween candy · Uncategorized

Day 1 of Sweetoberfest: My Franken-Cup Runneth Over

For our kick-off treat, we are sampling Reese’s Franken-cup.

This is a new candy for 2020, and I had to travel all over the Los Angeles basin to find it for this review. It appears to only be available at those purveyors of fine chocolates: Target and WalMart.

The Franken-cup is similar to a standard Reese’s peanut butter cup, but the lower half of the chocolate cup is replaced with “green creme.”

Franken-cup, inverted to show the “green creme.”

This of course raises the question: what is “creme,” exactly? Merriam-Webster defines it as “a cream or preparation made with or resembling cream when used in cooking.” So, for this candy product, it seems “creme” is a “preparation…resembling cream.” Doesn’t that sound appetizing?

Let’s apply Steve’s Sweetoberfest Scoring rubric to the Franken-cup. (Each treat will be judged along four dimensions, with up to three points available for each dimension.)

Dimension 1–Packaging. Not bad. It’s the standard Reese’s orange packaging, but there’s a closeup of two Franken-cups to show off that all-important green creme. An image of an electrode is emitting little lightning bolts, suggesting that the Franken-cup was created in a mad scientist’s laboratory. Points deducted for not including neck bolts on the picture of the candy, or placing it on an operating table, or incorporating some other trope evocative of Frankenstein. 2 points.

Dimension 2–Appearance of the Treat. Pretty clever to go with green on a Reese’s cup. It’s a surprising twist on a very familiar candy. The mold-green color is a good Halloween choice. I do wonder if they shouldn’t have also colored the filling, though. Also, I think they missed an opportunity to emboss some kind of Frankenstein motif in the top of the cup. Or maybe print something on the paper wrapper that each cup sits in. 2 points.

Dimension 3–Taste. It’s hard to improve on the standard Reese’s. Chocolate and peanut butter are a classic, satisfying combination. The green creme changes things a bit. It’s sort of interesting, adding a different texture and a sweeter, creamier taste. But it ends up quite cloying on the palate. 2 points.

No candy was harmed in the making of this blog.

Dimension 4–Value. This “king size” package costs $1.69 at Target. Points deducted for making the cup so damn small. Maybe the regular Reese’s are this small nowadays. But in my day, Reese’s cups were much bigger. A package of two cups was 1.8 ounces, which means four cups would weigh in at 3.6 ounces. This “king size” package of four Franken-cups is only 2.4 ounces. 1 point.

Steve’s Sweetoberfest Score: 7 out of 12, which qualifies as a minor TREAT.

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Fire Drill

Tuesday was Day 2 of my road trip, and unbeknownst to me in the morning, it would be the last day of the trip.

I woke up in Bishop (population: 3,900). Located on US 395 at the northern end of the Owens Valley, Bishop is a pleasant, prosperous little town — a far cry from almost all the other towns I passed along the eastern Sierra the day before. Bishop is in Inyo County, which is the second largest county in California in terms of area…and yet Bishop is the only incorporated city in the whole damn county.

The thing that immediately struck me about Bishop is that along its main drag (i.e., US 395), virtually every business is a homegrown, independent operation. The only name I recognized was an old Ben Franklin five and dime…and it gets a pass because its virtually extinct. I honestly didn’t even think Ben Franklins still existed.

“Lost time is never found again.”

The second thing that struck me about Bishop is that every business seems to use a vehicle as its calling card. Check out these examples:

Striking out in search of business…
A roll-ing advertisement
Promoting a neigh-borhood business

Finally, many of you know I have a fondness for old theaters. The specimen in Bishop isn’t especially ornate or even attractive, but I do like how it matches the vibe of the town.

Ten bucks for popcorn — even “fresh” popcorn — sounds a little steep, doesn’t it?

After a mighty tasty breakfast bagel from Schat’s (I find when I’m in small towns like this I use phrases like “mighty tasty”), I got back on the road and headed north. It was a very pleasant morning ride. The air was crisp, pine trees dotted the landscape, and the Sierras appeared even closer than they did yesterday.

“Another glorious Sierra day in which one seems to be dissolved and absorbed and sent pulsing onward we know not where.” – John Muir

Soon I was rising high into the mountains, and the landscape transformed with heavier concentrations of conifers. I passed June Lake and Mammoth Lake up around 8,000 feet.

A far cry from the Mojave, where I’d been just yesterday.

After a bit I found myself passing Mono Lake. Unlike Owens Lake, which I’d passed the day before, Mono Lake is still very much a real lake. When I was in high school, back in the Pleistocene era, “Save Mono Lake” was a rallying cry. The lake was another victim of Mulholland’s efforts to redirect water to Los Angeles. The water level had dropped precipitously, and ultimately locals were able to sue LA to partially relent. Since that time, the lake level has risen somewhat.

Mono was on its way to being No Mo’, but then the courts intervened..

But one result of the lower water level is that the lake’s renowned tufa formations are exposed. The tufa towers are essentially limestone. Because the lake has no drainage to the ocean, minerals concentrate in it over time and this give rise to, among other things the tufa towers. As the lake’s water level has dropped, the tufa towers have been exposed.

In nearby Independence, which is the county seat of Inyo county, a tufa formation is on display in front of the courthouse.

The unofficial mascot of the region. I’ll bet you the local businesses are forever announcing “Tufa One” sales.

Now I was entering Bridgeport (population: 575), which is about 40 miles before the El Camino Sierra leaves 395 and heads west on CA 89. That junction is at Topaz Lake, which is on the border with Nevada. I was looking forward to these upcoming attractions when I saw a large portable CalTrans sign (with all the light bulbs that (typically mis-)spell an important message. It informed me that US 395 was closed ahead, and directed me to a detour. I was near a ranger station, and went in to ask how I could get to Topaz Lake. “It’s on fire,” the ranger told me. I think she meant “on fire” not in the Cuyahoga sense, but rather the area surrounding the lake was on fire. Evidently lightning had sparked the fire a couple of days earlier, and it had already burned about 14,000 acres. I could only go about another 15 miles on 395 before I’d be turned back.

At least I got to see this cool horse sculpture in front of the ranger station.

I thanked the ranger for the information and consulted my map. There was really no practical way to get back onto the El Camino Sierra without an enormous detour. And in any event, I’d have to skip a good chunk of the route. So, since I’d originally planned to return homeward along the western Sierra, I figured I’d just cross over the mountains from here. Conveniently, the CA Route 108 turnoff was just about 15 miles further north on 395, which would be before the roadblock. And CA 108 would take me over Sonora Pass and drop me onto the western side and into the city of Sonora.

Plan B.

CA 108 is a stunningly beautiful road, winding around and cutting through the Sierra Nevada’s granite obstructions, reaching a height of about 10,000 feet, and then dropping precipitously — I mean frighteningly so — on the western side, then leveling out in open meadows. A hundred and fifty years ago, pioneers would spend weeks trying to get their asses (literally) over this pass.

“The mountains are calling and I must go.”
Good thing I didn’t eat that second doughnut this morning…

The experience of crossing the Sierras was interrupted for 20 minutes, when a flagman stopped me for no discernible reason. He spent the entire time on his cellphone with his back to me, and had a boombox that was playing death metal. I’m not making this up.

“Let’s see…where is that Slayer fan site?

Ultimately, I arrived in Sonora without incident, and after receiving sustenance in the form of two gas station corn dogs, I headed south on CA 49. This is the iconic road that cuts through California’s historic gold country. Since I’d come over the mountains further south than I’d originally planned, I missed a good chunk of 49. But now heading south from Sonora, I was enjoying the rolling fields and iconic valley oaks that characterize this part of California.

Soon I was passing through the town of Chinese Camp (population: 120). It’s essentially a ghost town, but in the 1850s it had about 5,000 residents, primarily Chinese, who were attracted by the Gold Rush but were forced out of neighboring towns.

General store in Chinese Camp, built in 1849 and owned by predecessor to Wells Fargo.
Unknown building in Chinese Camp. Sadly, there is no evidence that anything is being done to preserve these buildings.

One other feature of this region is Lake Don Pedro. This reservoir was originally created when the Tuolumne River was dammed in the 1920s. But in 1971 the dam and reservoir were significantly upgraded, which led to a relentless advertising campaign for lakeside vacation rentals which I remember seeing on the UHF stations I watched as a child.

Lake Don Pedro. Incidentally, Don Pedro was one of the original prospectors in the area during the Gold Rush.

The James Roberts Bridge crosses the Tuolumne River near Don Pedro reservoir. It was part of the redesign of the reservoir in 1971. At the time, planners figured that the popularity of the lake and other factors would eventually require a four-lane bridge. So they built wide supports to allow for eventual expansion (projected for 1995). Alas, or thankfully, the traffic never materialized.

Like a Hummer H1, wider than it needs to be.

I continued heading south along the western Sierra foothills, and eventually connected with CA 99. I took soulless, anodyne freeways the rest of the way home.

Some day I still must drive the entire El Camino Sierra. Or maybe I’ll just drive that final portion of it that I couldn’t do on this trip. In any event, it was an enjoyable experience seeing a side of California (literally) that is often forgotten about.

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Cruising the El Camino Sierra

(Not to be confused with Livin’ La Vida Loca.)

Alert readers may recall that in early July I stumbled upon road in the San Gabriel Mountains called the Sierra Highway. A little research revealed that it’s part of a longer, historic route running along the eastern Sierras from Los Angeles to Lake Tahoe. It began as a mostly unpaved path well over a century ago, and by the 1920s it had firmed up into a proper road for motor vehicles. Some people refer to the entire route as the Sierra Highway, but the formal name for the full route is the El Camino Sierra.

The Eastern Sierra Mountains is California's backbone, and U.S. highway 395 which runs east of the Sierra Nevada range would have to be one of California's most spectacular drive's. The highlights of this driving itinerary include majestic mountain peaks, endless outdoor opportunities and unusual natural and man-made locations such as Mono Lake and the ghost town of Bodie.

When I discovered that short segment of the road in July, I made a mental note to eventually travel the entire route. And that’s what I set out to do this morning. I saddled up the Triumph and after 45 minutes on LA’s Covid-cleared freeways I arrived at the route’s starting point.

Beginning of the Sierra Highway, in Sylmar

The Sierra Highway (which is the formal name of the first hundred miles or so of the El Camino Sierra) winds through the dry, brown hills of Santa Clarita and the surrounding environs, and then heads north in the shadow of the Sierra Mountains, cutting through the Mojave Desert and passing by Death Valley.

After about half an hour I came upon a cemetery that had an ancient, horse-drawn hearse displayed under glass next to the road. This is something you don’t see every day. I stopped to check out the display, and learned that it’s the last horse-drawn hearse of LA County, manufactured in 1860.

All it needs are some black horses and you’d be all set for Halloween.

While hanging out at the cemetery entrance, I happened upon list of its famous inhabitants. Most I didn’t recognize, with the exception of Tor Johnson. You remember Tor Johnson, don’t you? He’s the ex-wrestler who ended up acting in B-movies, including, famously, Ed Wood’s Plan 9 From Outer Space, which is considered by many to be the worst movie of all time.

Wrestlers Acting Out | The Savvy Screener
I think Tor just got his eye poked out by a wayward bazoom…

I spent the next 45 minutes searching for Tor’s grave, which was not an unpleasant way to pass some time, given the tree-shaded, rolling hills and quiet seclusion. Ultimately I was rewarded with this unassuming marker:

Might be time to turn on the lawn sprinklers.

Returning to the Sierra Highway, I soon happened upon a roadside memorial. I stopped to investigate.

David Lynch, where are you?

It turns out this sycamore tree was burned in a fire in 2007. It survived, and people claim to see the outline of the Virgin Mary in the tree. I have a hard time seeing it, but then I’m not Catholic.

Locals call it Our Lady of the Charred Sycamore. I’m not making this up.

Continuing with the religious theme (sort of), a little further down the road I came across a sign for Tony Alamo’s Christian Church.

Unclear whether the fence is keeping the parishioners in or out.

It turns out Tony Alamo was originally a Jewish fellow named Bernie Hoffman. He founded a cult where he demanded that his followers hand over all their property to his church, and he ended up getting thrown in prison for rape in 2009. In other words, Tony Alamo Christian Church isn’t a church, isn’t Christian, and isn’t founded by anyone named Tony Alamo. The building now sits behind this fence, presumably waiting for the End Times.

Like the Holy Roman Empire, Tony Alamo’s Christian Church isn’t any of those things.

My next stop was much more pleasant: an old stone building that originally was constructed as a gas station in 1923. In 1971, Steven Spielberg used it as a truck stop diner in his movie Duel.

Watch out for murderous truckers…

In 1980 the property was bought by Juan Alonso, who opened it as a french restaurant. He still owns it today, though it’s currently closed due to Covid. And I learned all this from talking to Juan himself and his son, Adrian, who happened to be standing outside when I stopped. (Evidently the property had once been a biker hangout, and Alonso was getting nostalgic when he saw me ride up.)

Juan and Adrian Alonso.

When I got back on the road, I was feeling the love of the Sierra Highway. It’s quiet, it’s historic, it’s quirky, and the people are friendly. Here’s a few random photos:

Points for clarity.
A sign of past, better days.
The fire plug is a nice touch.
More Cats than Madame Sophie’s massage parlor…
Because “The Old Dirt Road” was already taken.
But it’s a Chevy!
In Lancaster. Did Dr. Seuss use to live there?

In addition to the melting house, Lancaster boasts something called the Musical Road. This is a stretch of roadway that has grooves cut into the payment which produce a sound that’s supposed to resemble the finale of the William Tell Overture. I’m not making this up.

Here’s the road in question:

Hi-yo Silver!

I tried riding the Triumph along the musical road, but I couldn’t make out any music. It may have been due to my helmet, or the fact that I have only two wheels. Here is how it’s supposed to sound.

Interestingly, the musical road originally was created for a Honda commercial, and was located on a different road. The neighbors complained about the noise, however. (Who wants to hear the William Tell Overture at all hours?) So the city paved over the rumble strips and reproduced the road on the non-residential Avenue G, where I encountered it today.

Finally, in the early afternoon, I came to the end of that portion of El Camino Sierra that’s signed as the Sierra Highway. Objective 1 of this trip was now complete. At this point, I was directed onto State Route 14.

End of the road.

Speaking of route names, at one point a big chunk of El Camino Sierra was designated as US Route 6. US 6 is a transcontinental route that originally went to Long Beach, CA. But today, the western terminus of US 6 is in Bishop, CA (where I’m sleeping tonight). Signs along the old US 6 route give the “Historic” designation.

Created in the 1920s, US 6 is also known as the Grand Army of the Republic Highway.

And since we’re on the subject of signs, I noticed an oddity back near the beginning of today’s trip. There’s a segment of old State Route 14 which was replaced by a new freeway some years ago. That old segment is now part of the Sierra Highway. But unlike most other decommissioned state routes, which get turned over to the city as local roads, the city of Santa Clarita hasn’t formally accepted transfer of the road. So it’s stuck in limbo, still technically a state road even though it’s no longer State Route 14. And so it’s signed as State Route 14U, with the U standing for “Unrelinquished.”

U got a problem with that?

But enough of with the signs. Where was I? Ah yes, not long after Lancaster my route took me onto US 395. This is a road I drove just a couple of years ago on a nice, long road trip. My point is that I didn’t stop much on 395, today since I’ve been along this route recently. (Some of you might have received my “blog” from that earlier trip, which was just clunky, misaligned photos pasted into a Word document and then emailed. I plan to transfer those old files over to the WordPress blog some time soon. Stay tuned.)

Today I did stop at an art oasis near Lone Pine. I had stopped here on my last trip, and found it to be a fascinating, whimsical little tableau, just sitting out in the middle of nowhere. What possesses people to create these pieces of art, and then just stick them in the desert? Today I noticed a couple of new art installations that I photographed:

Nevermore!
It’s a very old story.

Back on the road, I came upon a sign directing me to a “historical point of interest” just ahead. I stopped in front of this building.

Looks suspiciously like Juan Alonso’s French restaurant

Frustratingly, there was no sign explaining what I was looking at. But if you look just beyond this structure, you see another oddity: A giant orange. Perhaps this is the point of historical interest that had beckoned me?

Note the ant on the building to the left.

One of the more soulful parts of this stretch of highway 395 is Owens Lake. This dry, dusty, parched landscape is what’s left after William Mulholland redirected the Owens River through an aqueduct some 200 miles south to Los Angeles. I have some blog entries from a trip to explore that aqueduct a year or two ago. I will try to get that moved onto this platform some time soon.

Owens Valley, Owens Lake,Owens River, Bartlett
Owens Lake, before….
…and after.
Desiccated skeletons amid Mulholland’s environmental disaster.

Looking to the west, 395 affords some great views of the Sierras. But today air quality was affected by the wildfires burning all over the state. The mountains were barely visible!

But not all of the view from 395 is depressing. Red Rock Canyon State Park is a wonder to behold.

And finally, when I stopped in Bishop, I beheld another beautiful sight: An open brew pub. I stopped at Mountain Rambler Brewery, and treated myself to their Scotch Ale.

Brew of the Day!

For a beer this dark in appearance, it’s not especially meaty. It has a nutty flavor, somewhat akin to a brown ale. It’s not as sweet as I like my Scotch ales to be, but it was pleasant enough. Consistent with the classic style, it’s not at all hoppy. And with an ABV of 5.7 it’s not going to kick anyone’s ass. Come to think of it, this beer isn’t all that satisfying. But I was relaxing at a table in a shaded patio, and had a big old burger for dinner. And I had a nice conversation with another patron who drove up here from San Diego to go hiking. So, all in all, it was worth stopping here.

My San Diego friend.

Tomorrow I plan to finish the El Camino Sierra. I’ll then cut across to the Gold Country and start my way southward along the western Sierra.