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Advent Spirits Day 20: Cazadores Tequila

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Here it is, the 20th of the month, and only now do we get to a second tequila. This time it’s from a company called Cazadores.

Now, this is a blanco tequila, meaning that it’s not aged. So that’s strike 1. But let’s see if their website can give us any reasons to love it:

“Crafted in the Highlands of Jalisco, made with 100% Blue Weber Agave, Cazadores has stayed true to its roots since 1922 — authentic, smooth, and made to celebrate lifes [sic] real moments.”

Other than the claim about the agave, this is pretty meaningless. And their credibility is shot given their inability to properly use punctuation.

Then they add that their blanco is “tequila in its purest form, without aging, for intensity and real flavor of agave. Citrus fruits, fragrant herbs and the customary smooth finish makes [sic] Tequila CAZADORES® Blanco excellent for cocktails or sipped neat.” Strike 2.

Still, I am a professional, and I will taste this tequila in spite of the errors of punctuation and subject-verb agreement.

Appearance: As an unaged spirit, this is as colorless and unremarkable as my dating life in college.

Aroma: It smells fresh and slightly honey-sweet, with a little citrus in the background. It’s inoffensive, though not exactly what I’d want in an alcoholic drink.

Taste: Now would probably be a good time to admit that I’m not a huge fan of tequila (though I do like me a good Mezcal). So when I say that this stuff tastes like Plasti-Goop, it’s entirely possible that it’s supposed to taste that way. In any event, the taste reminds me of plastic irrigation pipe and Berryman Chemtool and glazing putty.

Finish: Now, here’s the secret to Cazadores’ success (for they’ve been around for over a century): The finish is not nearly as harsh as the chemical-y taste would lead you to expect. In fact, I’d say the finish is mild, and somehow those sweet and citrus notes from the nose turn up again to seduce you into thinking maybe you were hasty in disparaging the taste. So you take another sip, and the scales fall from your eyes. And you pour it into the nearest potted palm. Won’t get fooled again.

Bottom Line: As I said, I’m not a blanco tequila fan. So if it’s your thing, don’t let me yuck your yum. But do yourself a favor and mix it into a margarita.

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Advent Spirits Day 18: Boone’s Bourbon

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Have you ever heard of Tyler Boone? Neither had I, but he’s a singer-songwriter of roots/Americana music and, more importantly for our purposes, he’s the founder of a company called Boone’s Bourbon. Now, it would be fair to ask what kind of credentials he brings to the distilling business, and it seems like the answer is “not much.” But that really doesn’t matter, because he isn’t responsible for distilling the stuff. He has that done by a place called Striped Pig Distillery in Charleston, SC. And that’s fine. But it does make one wonder what’s the difference between Boone’s Bourbon and Striped Pig Bourbon. With any luck, we’ll sample some Striped Pig before Advent is over.

There’s a couple of other points to note about Boone’s Bourbon. First, it’s quite strong (117 proof). Most of the other boubons we’ve tasted clock in between 80 and 86 proof. Second, it’s only aged for about 6 months. (They don’t highlight this fact; instead, they say it is “aged to perfection.”) The combination of high alcohol and short aging doesn’t strike me as promising. But there’s only one way to find out…

Appearance: It seems light for a bourbon. It’s a pale yellow, like an uncarbonated Corona beer.

Aroma: There’s not much nose on this at all. I detect a slight whiff of a spent match, backed by a hint of Windex.

Taste: Whoa. That’s definitely high-alcohol. And the alcohol is actually a bit overpowering. But there is some oak on the palate, despite the short time in the barrel. There’s also some toffee and grape seed. But I’d be lying if I didn’t emphasize that the predominant taste is the high-VOC blast of alcohol.

Finish: There’s a lingering burn on the front of the tongue. There’s also a darkening at the edges of your field of vision, but I’m hoping that’s a temporary side effect.

Bottom Line: If you want to get wasted, this is the bourbon for you. But if you are looking for any something that’s actually pleasant to sip, I’d point you towards bourbons that have been aged for at least a few years.

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Advent Spirits Day 17: Big Horn Bourbon Whiskey

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It’s an odd-numbered day, so it must be time for another bourbon…

Today we have something called Big Horn Bourbon Whiskey. The last two words seem a little redundant; they remind me of the irritating phrase “cash money.” Or “50 percent off discount.” Or “a Cadillac car.” You get my point.

Anyway, this Big Horn Bourbon (Whiskey) comes from a place called Willie’s Distillery, in Ennis, Montana. None of that sounds reassuring. The bourbon has claimed a few awards, which are featured prominently on the website. But they were received a decade ago; what have you done for me lately? Here’s their sales pitch:

“Bighorn Bourbon is a superior blend of fine bourbons of varying ages. [Editor’s note: I take this to mean most of the component spirits are younger than my unborn grandson.] Named for the majestic Rocky Mountain Bighorn Ram, this smooth spirit is unbeatable on the rocks but also mixes perfectly in your favorite whiskey cocktail or in one of our signature drinks below.”

And so, with trepidation, let’s do our tasting.

Appearance: It’s lighter than most bourbons we’ve tasted so far, perhaps owing to the (presumably) short time in the barrel. I’d say it’s the color of your standard commercial jet fuel.

Aroma: Inoffensive, even pleasant. It’s the smell of unseasoned microwave popcorn doused with lots of olive oil.

Taste: All together now: “Steve was right.” This stuff is way too young to be a proper bourbon. It tastes like moonshine. There’s no depth, no character. Just a lot of corn flavor, with an alcohol burn.

Finish: Your esophagus will be. Finished, that is.

Bottom Line: Some of you may assume I’m making this sound worse than it is for dramatic effect. And you would be wrong.

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Advent Spirits Day 14: Blue Ice Potato Vodka

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OK, this almost sounds like a parody of a modern vodka. It’s potato vodka from–where else?–Idaho. And the key marketing points are that it’s low-calorie, gluten-free, and non-GMO. The only thing missing is any discussion of taste!

Let’s see how they describe their product:

“America’s finest potato vodka can only come from one place—Idaho. The home of the luscious Russet Burbank potato and the birthplace of Blue Ice Vodka. Idaho is where the people behind our brand come from and live, where our natural ingredients are sourced and where our product is crafted. Perfect for cocktails under 100 calories, with only 64 calories per ounce serving.”

So, again, it sounds like they’re focused on everything but the taste. That’s where this blog comes in. Let’s see what we can discover…

Appearance: It looks like nothing. It’s completely clear.

Aroma: It smells like nothing. Seriously. This is the Sgt Schultz of spirits; “I see nothing! I smell nothing!”

Taste: It tastes like almost nothing. The taste, such as it is, is pretty subtle. There’s some French fry on the palate, and a little au gratin in the background. OK, that’s just a lame joke. It tastes like very smooth vodka, which is to say, it doesn’t taste like much. It’s main job is just to deliver 40 percent alcohol.

Finish: Exceptionally smooth. There’s none of that burn that you get from the cheap-o vodkas. It doesn’t leave you wanting more, but it doesn’t leave you running for a chaser, either.

Bottom Line: This would probably be a good vodka for a mixed drink. It’s almost invisible in terms of appearance and aroma and taste and finish. My local Total Wine has it for 19 bucks. So, why not?

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Advent Spirits Day 6: Camarena Reposado Tequila

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As every schoolchild knows, tequila is made from the blue agave plant. It’s kind of a brutal process: the agave plant’s “heart” is cut from it, boiled, and then stomped on to release the juice. (I went through a similar process when my girlfriend Susie broke up with me in high school.) It’s then fermented and (sometimes) aged in oak barrels. But the “aging” is more of a brief pause on the way to the store, rather than the mellowing-for-years-in-a-dark-warehouse that we associate with whiskey. Indeed, over half of all tequila produced is not aged at all, instead going directly into a bottle and being deemed “Blanco.” In (slight) contrast, “Reposado” tequila is aged for 2-11 months, and the “old” stuff (“Añejo”) has been aged for at year or more.

Today we’re trying a Reposado tequila. This one supposedly comes from Familia Camarena, which sounds like a homey family-run business in the Mexican countryside. But it’s actually owned by the cheap-wine behemoth Gallo. Be that as it may, this is 100 percent agave tequila (you’re only required to use 51 percent agave). On the other hand, they only age it for the bare minimum of 60 days.

Here’s the blurb from their website:

“Aged 60 days in Tennessee Whiskey barrels, Camarena Reposado balances natural agave sweetness with soft vanilla and caramel notes. Reach for Reposado the next time you’re in the mood for a bold and smooth cocktail.”

OK, that’s not much to go on. Let’s pour some and see if it’s any good.

Appearance: Even though this has been aged for (barely) two months, this tequila hasn’t developed much color. I would describe it as dishwater, before you even wash any dishes in it.

Aroma: This tequila appears to have no nose at all. It is the snake of tequilas. (Ask a herpetologist to explain that witticism.) Seriously, I can’t smell much of anything from this tequila, except an almost-imperceptible whisper of honeysuckle–and not the flower, but the stem.

Taste: Here’s where Gallo lives up to its reputation. This stuff tastes like lighter fluid. It’s bitter and harsh, though I do notice a little bit of cantaloupe trying to break through. There’s also a hint white pepper and maybe a little Oxalis. Overall, though, this will probably bring back bad memories from your first bender in college.

Finish: The finish is essentially a sensation that your tongue has been run through a meat tenderizer and then dipped in pool acid. Clearly this stuff would benefit from longer aging. Sort of like me.

Bottom Line: A quick Google search tells me you can get a bottle of this stuff for around twenty bucks. If you are drawn to this for the price, you’ll want to only use it in mixed drinks. Which probably means margaritas.