As we enter the final week of this Halloween cocktail journey, we return to the basics. And by “basics,” I mean those 77 cocktails that are officially recognized by the International Bartenders Association (Motto: “What’ll ya have, Mac?”). Naturally, you’re thinking:

• I wonder how many of those 77 cocktails I’ve tried?
• Has Steve included any of those 77 cocktails in his postings this month?
• What? There’s an International Bartenders Association??

On the list are included the usual suspects (margarita, cosmopolitan, dark ‘n stormy). But there are also a number I’ve never heard of (Russian Spring Punch, Horse’s Neck). Notably, a few of the list’s entries are simply variations on each other (dry martini and dirty martini are separate entries, as are gin fizz and Ramos gin fizz). Anyway, surely someone out there has tried all 77. Let me know how many you’ve tried!

But to get back to the matters at hand: Today, as I’ve said, we’re getting back to basics, and it’s taking the form of a screwdriver. (Interesting factoid: Legend has it that the screwdriver cocktail, which came about during World War II, got its name because American servicemen lacked spoons and instead used screwdrivers to stir the drink.) (Not-so-interesting factoid: In Britain they call it a “Vodka and Orange.”)

This Halloween version of the classic cocktail is called a “Screwed Up Screwdriver”, and it comes from one of the scariest sources you can imagine: Martha Stewart. (I’m not making this up.) I’m guessing during her time in the slammer she referred to it as a “shiv.” So let’s get to it!

The Recipe: On Martha’s website, she lists all of the following as “Step 1.”

Step 1 Place ice in a tall glass. Pour 1/2 cup freshly squeezed tangerine juice into the glass. Pour 1-1/2 oz of black vodka over the back of a cock-tail spoon into the glass so it sits on top of juice and creates a layer of black. Slice 1/4 inch off each end of a black licorice twist, and use as a straw. Serve immediately.

Note that there is no Step 2, and that Martha hyphenates “cocktail.”

The Ratings:

The appearance is kinda interesting: Black on the top, orange on the bottom. And the licorice twist adds some visual interest. I took the above picture moments after carefully adding the vodka, but as you can see, the vodka was already mixing with the orange juice. Still, it’s kind of spooky. I’ll give it 3.5 points.

The taste is less interesting. Folks, this is essentially a screwdriver. It tastes of fruit juice. And that’s it. A screwdriver is always good as a breakfast drink (just as a glass of orange juice is always good as a breakfast drink). But as a Halloween cocktail, it’s too sunny and familiar. I can’t give more than 1.5 points here.

The name is lame. Surely Martha could have done better than “Screwed Up Screwdriver”? It’s not a scary or seasonal reference at all. And the pun (if that’s what it is) is tired and lame. (And if there’s someone who knows tired and lame puns, it’s me!) No points.

Grand total: 5 points.