Mum’s the Word

October 31, 2024 steveboilard5 Comments

Way back near the beginning of the month, when I was reviewing treats from coffee chains, I was salivating over Starbucks’ Mummy Cookie. Check it out:

Now, I am a huge fan of Starbucks’ frosted cookies. In fact, their’ snowman cookie (available each December) is a treat for the gods. This mummy looks like it could give the snowman a run for its money, and all the online hype suggested it might even be better. The cookie is made of shortbread, and the frosting is white chocolate. The design is absolutely adorable, with that minimalist round shape and two googly-eyes. I figured I’d keep this treat in reserve for my final post, assuming it would be the hands-down winner, unless something better came along.

So today–October 31–I strode into my local Starbucks so I could finally test-drive the mummy cookie. Imagine my horror when I saw this in the bakery case:

*Kind of notable that they have a pre-printed sign to that effect.*

Foiled again! I immediately searched the Starbucks app for a store that had the mummy cookie. This is what I encountered over and over again:

Eventually I had to accept the reality that I’d missed the Mummy Cookie Window for 2024. Nevertheless, I still needed to do my final blog entry and I still had a hankering for a frosted cookie. So I headed to the closest bakery:

I explained to the delightful, costumed young lady at Caffe Santoro in Diamond Springs that I was looking for a good Halloween cookie. She looked remorseful, as though I had asked her for unavailable medicine for my ailing child. “I’m so-o-o sorry! We’d made a bunch of ghosts and pumpkins and bats, but they’re all sold out. All we have are these dinosaurs.”

Dinosaurs?

After a few other false leads I finally ended up at Love Birds Coffee and Tea Company.

I breathlessly asked the barista if they had any Halloween cookies. “We have pumpkins! Do you want orange or white?” Naturally and unimaginatively I selected the orange pumpkin. This looked promising.

Conceptual Soundness: Love Birds has a pretty solid cookie concept here. They took a standard round cookie, and decorated it with thick frosting to create a plump, orange pumpkin. What sets this concept apart from other pumpkin cookies is the attention to detail, which we’ll discuss under “appearance” below. That, and they are willing to actually have cookies available on Halloween. That’s worth 3.5 points!

Appearance: I have to say, this is one of the best-looking pumpkin cookies I’ve seen. The frosting is so thick that they’re able to achieve a 3-D effect. Just look at those carved vertical lines defining several distinct lobes! They’ve also used three different colors, creating curly green vines and a brown stem, in addition to the pastel-orange pumpkin itself. It’s appealing and colorful and fun. It’s definitely worth 4 points.

Taste: Having spent the previous hour unsuccessfully searching for a Halloween treat, I was eager to sink my teeth into this attractive treat. I was hoping to capture some of the delight I’d associated with Starbucks’ elusive mummy cookie. But even before this pumpkin cookie hit my tongue I could tell something was wrong. Something–either the frosting or maybe the cookie itself–was emitting an odd smell that reminded me of industrial bathroom disinfectant. Then, as I began to chew the cookie, I noticed that it was under-baked. It was simultaneously too chewy and rather oily. The frosting, too, had an odd texture that was thin almost to the point of being runny. Now, to be fair, I’d had my heart set on a shortbread cookie, which is crisp and crumbly and buttery. But even after adjusting my expectations, it was clear that this cookie was limp and oily and Lysol-y. I will give it 1 point, because the flavor (versus the smell and the texture) wasn’t bad.

Value: This cookie cost $4. It’s a good-size cookie, from an independent baker, so I guess that’s the going rate. The mummy cookie is $3.75, and it’s definitely smaller. So I’ll give this 2.5 points.

Total Treat Score: 11 points/16 points

If you’ve actually eaten a mummy cookie, please send me your review in the comments below

MAIL BAG

Several faithful readers suggested I mark this week’s passing of Teri Garr (1944-2024), who co-starred in Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein. I’ve noted several times in this blog that Young Frankenstein is one of my favorite movies, and it’s ideal for a night like this. And watching it would be a great way to honor the memory of Teri Garr. Thank you, Teri, for all the entertainment you gave us through television and movies.

You can see the joke coming from a mile away, but it still cracks me up.

And so we come to the end of another October. I want to thank all my loyal readers, and especially those who shared their comments and recommendations, for joining me this month. It’s been a fun, albeit a very fattening, experience.

I’m already planning the 31 blog entries for October 2025. I can’t release details yet, but I think you’re going to find it to be both spooky and entertaining.

Meanwhile, I’m turning the blog back over to road trips, and we’ll have a couple of good ones in the next few months. Stay tuned, and have a Happy Halloween!

"A Dying WIsh" · 2024 Halloween treats

Masques and Muffins

October 4, 2024October 4, 2024 steveboilard2 Comments

I have arrived in Charm City for Poe Fest. To refresh your memory, I am here because my short story, “A Dying Wish,” has been selected as a finalist for the Poe Festival’s Saturday ‘Visiter’ Awards. The winners will be announced tomorrow night at the sumptuous Black Cat Ball. Stay tuned for updates.

I’ve performed some light editing on my story since it appeared in serialized form last year, had it typeset, and had it printed for distribution at Poe Fest. I’d be happy to send a copy to interested readers of this blog as well; just drop me an email. The story is also available at the Kindle store for 99 cents, if that’s how you prefer to do your reading. Here’s the link.

Tonight at Poe Fest we’re going to watch a special screening of the 1964 adaptation of Poe’s masterpiece, The Masque of the Red Death. The film stars Vincent Price and is directed by Roger Corman. Vincent Price’s daughter–Victoria Price–will be there to introduce the film. Notably and confusingly, her Wikipedia page says “Although Victoria is the daughter of a horror icon, she is not a fan of horror films, but she is a fan of horror film fans.” This should be interesting…

Meanwhile, let’s turn to our Seasonal Treat Review. Today’s entry is a fall classic: the Starbucks pumpkin cream cheese muffin.

Conceptual Soundness: As I said, this is a classic It’s essentially pumpkin bread in muffin form, with a generous dollop of cream cheese baked right in. Here’s how Starbucks describes it: “A spiced pumpkin muffin topped with sweet cream-cheese filling and a sprinkling of chopped, spiced pepitas.” Pepitas, by the way, are basically pumpkin seeds. (I had to look it up.) Anyway, this sounds like a winner. 4 points!

Appearance of the treat. This is an attractive muffin, if I may say so. It’s baked to perfection, with that golden brown color that you associate with pumpkin bread pulled straight from the oven. The top of the muffin generously spills over the paper-cup-constrained base. (Insert obvious joke about middle-age spread here.) A caldera on the summit of this muffin is filled with luscious cream cheese, and the whole thing is sprinkled with “pepitas” (though they look suspiciously like rolled oats). The paper muffin cup is orange, which is seasonally appropriate. All that’s missing is a cute little plastic muffin topper in the shape of a pumpkin or a black cat. I give the appearance of this treat 3.5 points.

Taste. In a word, delicious. The cake is moist, delivering a perfect mouthfeel that stands up to the cream cheese. The pepitas lend a (slightly) crunchy, salty, and savory flair that complements the moist and sweet cake. The cream cheese filling is rich and flavorful; it’s a far cry from the cloying, fake cream cheese that is mindlessly troweled onto a grocery store sheet cake. The proportions of the component ingredients are pleasing, and the size of this muffin is enough to satisfy during the long stretch between lunch and dinner. Plus, at 350 calories, this won’t unduly exacerbate your muffin top. 4 points.

Value: This cost me $3.95, which seems about right for what it is. Certainly it’s far better than Starbucks’ raccoon pop, which is a quarter the size and costs the same amount. 3 stars.

Total Treat Score: 14.5/16 points.

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween

Cult of the Raccoon

October 1, 2024October 1, 2024 steveboilardLeave a comment

I was browsing the display case at Starbucks, looking for my first seasonal treat to review. And staring back at me, with a look of something between surprise and horror, was the head of a raccoon impaled on a stick. This seemed promising.

For some reason, these raccoon cake pops are HUGE! And by “huge,” I of course mean they’re tiny. But they’re huge in the sense that they’re popular. You’ll find discussions all over the internet commenting on this “new addition to Starbucks’ fall menu.” The website Trendhunter gushes that the raccoon pops are “surprisingly realistic in design” and they “even [have] pointy little ears and dark rings around the eyes.” There’s even a whole subgenre of internet memes involving raccoons eating raccoon cake pops. Observe:

@sancheztheraccoon
Señor Sanchez may have a new favorite snack! Our 13 year old niece sent an e-gift card specifically for the littles so they could try the new raccoon cake pops from @starbucks it’s safe to say they are approved by the raccoon community 🤍🖤 Our local Starbucks said the cake pops are selling out by 2pm everyday, have you seen them at your local store? #lunatheraccoon #blonderaccoon #whiteraccoon #trashpanda #petraccoons #raccoon #raccoons #raccoonsoftiktok #raccoonpet #funnypets #cutepets #raccoonpets #pet #petraccoon #insomniac #funnyraccoons #petsoftiktok #exoticpets #spiritanimal #trashpandasoftiktok #trashpandas #raccoonlife #pets #raccooncakepops #starbucks
♬ Stuff We Did (from ‘Up’) – Piano Version – your movie soundtrack

Of course, none of this explains why a raccoon design should be featured in a fall lineup. But it is. And who am I to argue with Brian Niccol?

So let’s get this party started. As usual, we’ll be reviewing each treat using a four-factor grading system, with each factor earning up to four points.

Conceptual Soundness: So, this is a facsimile of a raccoon’s head impaled on a pike. Admittedly, I’ve never understood the whole cake pop concept. Instead of having a slice of cake, you’re going to get basically one bite of cake. And for reasons that are never explained, it’ll be stuck onto a stick. I mean, a lollipop or an ice cream bar or a shish kebob makes sense on a stick, since it takes a while to consume and it’s messy to hold. But a single bite of cake??? This thing is getting no conceptual soundness points from me! Zero points.

Appearance of the treat. Well, it is cute. The shape is reasonably well-defined, with little ears and everything. The eyes and nose and markings are created with icing. There’s no mouth, but that kind of lends to its cuteness. The base color is an odd blue-grey, which may or may not be the color of a raccoon in the wild. Overall, it’s playful, fun, and well-executed. I’m willing to give it the full 4 points for appearance.

Taste. Starbucks describes the pop as “vanilla cake mixed with buttercream, dipped in icing and finished with a raccoon-face design.” I have to admit, it’s delicious. The cake is moist, rich, and flavorful. The gooey frosting (buttercream?) that’s inside is what really brings the whole things together, lending a smooth texture and a more sophisticated taste…or at least, as sophisticated as is possible when you’re eating a miniature raccoon head stuck on a saliva-soaked stick. 4 points.

Value. One of these will set you back $3.95(!!!) That’s a lot for one procyonid-shaped bite of cake. By my calculations, the equivalent of one full cake would cost you $118.50. This is not a value, people. Zero points.

Total Treat Score: 8/16 points.

Halloween Cocktails

Bone-ified Halloween Cocktail

October 24, 2022 steveboilard2 Comments

In nineteen-hundred and eighty-two Tim Burton wrote a poem.

About a guy obsessed with Halloween.

Then ten years later Tim received the green light from Touchstone

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” could be seen!

OK, it admittedly needs a little work. But whenever I encounter anything related to The Nightmare Before Christmas, the movie’s opening song (Danny Elfman’s “This is Halloween”) runs through my mind. And I’m always struck by how the song both sticks in your head and monumentally sucks. I mean, the “music” is practically a monotonal C-major meditation. And the lyrics are full of forced rhymes: “age” and “strange”; “see” and “Halloween”; “scream” and “Halloween”; “home” and “song.” Anyway, my point isn’t to dump on Danny Elfman, but rather to explain why I find myself writing doggerel.

The reason I brought up The Nightmare Before Christmas is because today’s drink is something called the Jack Skellington. You’ll recall that Jack Skellington is the “King of Halloweentown” in the movie.

Now, I should note that there are a number of very different cocktails called a “Jack Skellington” rattling around on the Internet. But the one I chose comes from a cocktail bar in Melbourne, Australia. It contains both vodka and Scotch, which sounds a little odd to me, but also sounds intriguing. Let’s make one!

The Recipe: In a cocktail shaker with ice mix 30 ml vanilla vodka, 10 ml Johnnie Walker, 20 ml Antica, 20 ml Little Drippa, and 15 ml pumpkin spiced syrup. (These Australians have evidently never heard of the English measurement system. For those not conversant with antipodal measurements, let me translate: 1 oz vodka, 2 tsp Scotch, 2/3 oz sweet vermouth, 2/3 oz cold extracted coffee, and 1/2 oz pumpkin spiced syrup.) Then garnish with whipped cream and toffee.

The Ratings: The appearance of this drink is moderately attractive. Yes, it looks like espresso with cream. The coffee/Scotch/vermouth color approximates that of a good porter. But I really don’t see how this resembles “Jack Skellington.” I’ll give it 2.5 points. And that’s just because I’m feeling generous.

Turning to the taste: O.M.G.! This is delicioso (as we Iberian people like to say). The coffee (Little Drippa) and the Scotch (Johnnie Walker) interact beautifully, pumping up their smoky, earthy flavors. Those peaty notes are perfectly balanced by the sweetness of the pumpkin spice syrup and sweet vermouth. The whipped cream and toffee might be inclined to tip the whole thing towards saccharin, but that’s where the vodka comes to the rescue, centering the whole drink as a high-alcohol, peaty, creamy drink reminiscent of something a wise teenager would order at Starbucks.

I should note that this drink reminds me of a Laphroaig espresso martini, which, in my opinion, is the single best cocktail in the world. But whereas the Laphroaig drink is sweetened by simple syrup, the Jack Skellington has a mix of pumpkin spice syrup, whipped cream, and sweet vermouth. The overall effect is complex, balanced, and pungent. I wouldn’t drink it every day, but it sure is a fun drink for a change of pace. I simply must give this cocktail the full 4 points for taste.

The name is definitely Halloween-related, but it’s not really connected to the drink at all. One wonders why this particular name was chosen. The best I can offer here is 1.5 points.

Grand Total: 8 points.