Witches Brew

Or should that be “Witches’ brew”???

In any case, I can’t read those words without thinking of this cartoon.

But the reason we’re discussing this is because Fluffy Stuff’s Witches Brew Cotton Candy is our treat of the day. Modern cotton candy was invented by a dentist (I’m not making this up) in 1897. It’s known as “candy floss” in the UK, and in France it goes by the rather disgusting sobriquet “daddy’s beard.”

Conceptual Soundness: Cotton candy strikes me as one of those accidental inventions that no one ever asked for, but which was widely embraced nonetheless. Objectively, there’s nothing especially appealing about eating pure sugar that’s been spun into something with the shape and texture of a dryer lint. But there’s something magical about the sensation of biting off a hunk of cotton candy and immediately feeling it melt into nothingness in your mouth. Its fun factor is further enhanced by its association with fairs and circuses and childhood. Let’s give it the full 4 points.

Appearance of the Treat. This product is sold in a foil bag featuring the silhouette of a slim and possibly hot witch, a black cat with Anime eyes, and scary “Witches brew” lettering. But open the bag and you see that this looks even more like dryer lint than you’d thought possible. It has a disgusting, dirty color and texture. Zero points.

*This is an unretouched photograph of the actual “treat” once removed from the bag.*

*By way of comparison: Here’s some actual dryer lint. To my eye, it looks slightly more appealing than the cotton candy.*

Taste: Not only does it look like dryer lint; it also tastes like it. Zero points.

Value: It was only a buck for a 2.1 ounce bag. Which isn’t bad. If you actually wanted to eat it. Which I don’t. Zero points.

Total Treat Score: 4/16 points

But wait! There’s a slight chance of redemption available from the “Witches Brew Berry Magic Punch” recipe on the back of the bag. Combine 1 cup cotton candy, 1/2 cup berry sparkling water, and 1/2 cup cran-raspberry juice. Watch the video:

Back to the drawing board…

The relevance of the title to the post will be revealed near the end of this point. But here’s a hint:

Today’s drink recipe comes from loyal reader Alison K, who was a fellow grad student at UCSB. We’ve both moved on to greener pastures—in both our cases, quite literally.

Alison offered a drink called “Witches’ Brew,” which of course presents us with the age-old question: is it witches or witches’ or witch’s? Grammarians among my readership would weigh in. But not literally.

The 1980 movie with Teri Garr was called Witches’ Brew. You can watch it for free on YouTube here. But I can’t recommend it. The acting is as wooden as an Amish table. Garr’s work in Young Frankenstein is far superior.

“Hallo. Vould you like to have a roll in ze hay?”

Now where was I? I suppose the whole “witches/witches’/witch’s brew” trope comes from Shakespeare’s Macbeth (“Double double toil and trouble/Fire burn and cauldron bubble.”) But that recipe called for “Fillet of a fenny snake, In the cauldron boil and bake; Eye of newt and toe of frog, Wool of bat and tongue of dog, Adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting, Lizard’s leg and owlet’s wing.” Perhaps knowing my low-level mixology skills, Alison sent a simplified verion.

The Recipe: Fill a tall glass with ice. Pour 2 oz of gin and top with 2 oz. of sparkling lemonade. Very carefully and slowly pour 2 oz. of Blue Curacao into the glass, letting it settle on the bottom. Garnish with a sprig of rosemary.

The Ratings: OK, let’s be blunt: There’s nothing especially Halloweeny about a refreshing, light-blue drink. There’s no floating eyeballs or spiderweb of chocolate syrup or pumpkin puree. It’s just a light. blue. drink. The recipe implies that the Blue Curacao would be a separate bottom layer, with a lighter gin-and-lemonade layer on the top, but that’s no how it worked for me. I can’t in good conscience give this any points for appearance.

But how does it taste? My first sip of the drink was not especially positive. As the recipe directs me to let the Blue Curacao “settle to the bottom,” I figured you weren’t supposed to stir it. As a result, my first sip tasted simply of gin. So, I went ahead and stirred the drink vigorously, and that changed everything. Properly mixed, it’s a distinctly citrusy drink, with the Blue Curacao and the lemonade doing their thing. It’s both sweet and tart in a very balanced and pleasant way. And the carbonation from the lemonade keeps things fizzy and playful. I give it 3.5 points for taste. Ah, hell, I’ll give a full 4 points. That might just be the gin talking, but this is a very enjoyable drink indeed.

The name “Witches Brew” is certainly appropriate to the season. Although perhaps a little cliche, and perhaps not exactly a fair description of a drink with three ingredients (two of which are quite pedestrian), it’s a perfect description of our quarry in this monthlong quest. (Plus, it’s one of Homestar Runner’s catchphrases. If you weren’t an adolescent boy in the early aughts, and/or you weren’t raising an adolescent boy in the early aughts, here’s a short introduction.) Two points.

Grand Total: 6 points.

Bonus Tip: If you’re like me, you’ve been mispronouncing Blue Curacao all your life. Here’s how to say it:

Tag: Witches Brew

“OK, It’s about witch’s brew, but just hear me out.”