Rope-a-Dope

Back in 1971, while the United States was still on the gold standard and my age moved into double digits, Paramount Pictures released Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, which was a screen adaptation of the 1964 book written by a World War II RAF fighter pilot and British spy, Roald Dahl. I’m not making this up.

It was recognized that the movie had potentially lucrative merchandising potential, especially in the realm of candy. And so, just a few months before the release of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the Willy Wonka Candy brand was developed. Wonka made a number of products, including Oompas and the Skrunch bar. Then, in the 1980s, Wonka released “Nerds,” which were brightly-colored, tiny pebbles of sugar and tangy flavoring.

In 2000, the wizards at Willy Wonka conceived the idea of taking a gummy rope and coating it with Nerds. Because, why not? The result was the stolid Nerd Rope. In 2013, Wonka realized that they could Spookify the Nerd Rope and they could sell it as a Halloween candy.

Over the years, the Wonka brand was sold to Nestle and then, quite recently, to the Ferrara Candy Company. Interestingly, my Spooky Nerd Rope doesn’t admit to any such parentage.

So, for the two of you who are still reading this, let’s get down to the review of the Spooky Nerd Rope!

1. Packaging. Well, the rope comes in a shiny orange wrapper, which is a decent start for a Halloween candy. On the wrapper is written “Spooky Nerds Rope” in decidedly non-spooky script. Scattered about the wrapper are a handful of images of tiny nerd characters in various Halloween get-ups. There’s also the hint of a spider web motif in the background. While the overall effect couldn’t really be called “spooky,” I think they’ve made a reasonable attempt at a Halloween theme. 2 points.

2. Appearance of the Treat. Close your eyes and try to envision what would make this Nerd Rope “spooky.” Maybe a sprinkling of little skull-shaped candies? Or little tombstones? Maybe the entire rope is in the shape of a bone? Or a hangman’s noose? Maybe it spells out “BOO” in script? Surely there are many spooky possibilities. Now, open your eyes and look at what the folks at Wonka came up with:

The word disappointment does not begin to capture my, uh, disappointment. Is this really supposed to be spooky? It’s like any other nerd rope, except perhaps there’s a slightly higher proportion of orange nerds. Since when is purple, white, and orange associated with Halloween, or spookiness? Surely if color was going to be their only nod to Halloween, they could have gone exclusively with black and orange? This thing is about as scary as Rainbow Brite. No points.

3. Taste. I was prepared to gag on the chemical-y, gritty, acidic nerd candies. But O. M. G. By sprinkling the Nerds onto a gummy rope, the Wonka folks leveraged some kind of dark alchemy to transform two so-so candies (gummies and Nerds) into a soul-satisfying treat. The soft, sweet rope balances out the crunchy, tangy Nerds just like malt does for hops. The mouthfeel is full and ever-changing and chewy and literally mouth-watering. And what’s this? Once I bit into the rope I discovered that the center is blood-red. Maybe I’ll give back one point for Appearance of the Candy. This was a welcome surprise. I heartily give it 3 points for taste. Drinks all around! On me!

4. Value. The Spooky Nerd Rope cost me a buck. It’s only 0.92 ounce. But Nerds are highly concentrated candy and you don’t really want to eat too many of them. The size was just right. I think it’s a good value, but of course I’m currently in a candy-induced euphoric state. I’ve asked my wife to hide the checkbook until this wears off… 3 points.

Steve’s Sweetoberfest Score: 9 out of 12 (including the bonus point for the blood-red center), which qualifies it as a solid TREAT.