Stuff It In Yo’ Kern, Potsie!

It’s Springtime, I’ve had my Covid shot, so I figured it was time to take a short road trip. The basic idea was to head up through the Mojave on CA Route 14 to the town of Inyokern (so named because it straddles Inyo and Kern Counties), then head west over Walker Pass on CA Route 178. Upon reaching Lake Isabella, I’d take some winding back roads northwest over the Sierra Nevada and drop into Porterville. From there I’d make my way over to CA Route 33, and take it all the way down to Ventura. From there I’d head home on US 101.

There was particular attraction about this route: it would give me a second chance to take that winding back road over the Sierra that I’d tried last Fall. For it was then that was stopped in my tracks by the so-called “SQF” fire. (That day is memorialized in this post from November 2020.)

So this morning I set out around 8 am. It was a perfect spring day. Soon I was heading up CA Route 14 through the desolation and despair that is the Antelope Valley.

A little further along the landscape got more interesting at Red Rock Canyon State Park.

I made a stop at Jawbone Canyon, which supposedly resembles a mandible. It’s managed by the BLM as an OHV park, but of greater interest to me is the enormous pipeline that conducts water from the Owens Valley all the way down to Los Angeles. The pipeline was the brainchild of William Mulholland, who had it constructed over a century ago. Leaving aside issues of water theft and environmental damage, it was an impressive engineering feat. I made a trip along that pipeline a couple of years ago, which you can read about here.

While at Jawbone Canyon I happened upon a historic marker that described one Josephine “Josie” Stevens Bishop. Evidently, in addition to being a mother of seven, a school teacher, and an actress, she tried her hand at mining in this area and in 1937 discovered “the richest radium deposit known at the time.” She became famous and by leasing out her mining claim she is said to have become the richest woman in the world, for a time. The press gave her the nickname “The Radium Queen of the Desert.”

Enriched by this story, I got back on the highway and eventually came to Inyokern (pop: 1,000). I turned onto CA Route 178 and took it up into the lower Sierra Nevada mountains. Eventually I got up to about 5,000 feet, where I encountered Walker Pass. Walker Pass was discovered by Joseph Rutherford Walker in 1834. This is the pass that the so-called “Lost 49ers” had sought as they ill-advisedly made their way across Death Valley. (Ian and I had learned about the Lost 49ers when we were in Death Valley a few months ago. See this post.)

There isn’t much in the way of civilization out this way. That’s one of the attractions of these trips — getting away from the crowds of Los Angeles and discovering California’s remote regions. Near Walker Pass I did see some signs of an earlier settlement, but what it was and what happened to it are stories unknown to me.

I also passed a Civil War-era cemetery.

A little further down the road I came to the village of Onyx (pop: 475). The Onyx Store, established in 1861, is said to be the oldest continually-operating store in the entire state. Since it was getting to be lunchtime, I figured I stop for a sandwich. Inside the store is all manner of merchandise, as one would expect in a general store. They also had a deli counter, and I set my sights on the “buckaroo plate” which promised a huge sandwich will all the trimmings. Alas, there was only one employee in the store, and she had evidently been hit with that alien ray from Star Trek that gets you to slow down to one-hundredth of normal speed. I waited for 10 minutes while she prepared the sandwich for the truck driver that was waiting. When she finally finished, I opened my mouth to place my order when the human statue pointed to a family of five and said “they were ahead of you.” I did a quick mental calculation and decided that I would probably get my lunch quicker if I just drove to the next town. Which I did.

The next town turned out to be Lake Isabella (pop: 3,500). The town was preceded by the town of Isabella (no “Lake”), and was named after Spain’s Queen Isabella in 1893. (Evidently the Columbian Exposition of 1893 had resurrected interested in Queen Izzy.) But then, in 1953, the nearby Kern River was dammed and the newly-created reservoir inundated the original townsite. So the town of Lake Isabella was founded.

Near the dam is a place called “The Dam Korner” which, although it calls itself a “coffee shop,” serves all manner of burgers and sandwiches. So I ordered the special, which was a bacon and blue (not bleu, you understand; this is Kern County) burger with fries. The burger must have had close to a pound of meat, and there must have been a half a cup of blue/bleu cheese. The bacon was thick and plentiful. It was truly an impressive meal. It would have been great with a beer, but they only had the most basic, uninteresting panther piss. (This is what the waitress called it.) So I had it with water.

My next stop was Kernville (pop: 1,300), which is just ten or 15 minutes further up along the lake shore. Like Isabella, Kernville was inundated when the dam was constructed, so the town was relocated on higher ground. It’s actually a fairly charming town, and it seemed to be bustling. I stopped at the Kern River Brewing Company to get that beer I’d missed at the Dam Korner. The place was crowded, but I found myself a seat on the patio and I ordered an imperial stout. (See the end of this post for my review of the Brew of the Day.) I asked the waitress if it’s always this busy, and she said the crowd is mainly due to Spring Break. Oh yeah. I forgot about that. It seems Kernville attracts a lot of the young ‘uns who want to hike or raft or, well, drink.

Fortified with my Stout, I headed up into the mountains to re-try the route that eluded me last fall. I was heading along “Mountain Highway 99,” and all was right with the world. I was the only one on the road, the sky was blue, the sun was warm, and the trees were wearing their spring green.

And then.

Once again, I was forced to turn back. It’s still not entirely clear to me why the road was closed this time, but it seems like it’s a “seasonal” closing that lasts until all the mountain snow has melted. I looked at my map, and decided to re-route myself over the Sierra range on CA 155. So I went back to Lake Isabella, where CA-155 begins, and drove for 75 miles to its terminus in Delano. This is where I’m spending the night.

Like most of the routes over the Sierras, CA 155 is a winding, beautiful, and soul-enriching road. It makes an elevation gain of about 6,000 feet before dropping down to the floor of California’s Central Valley. The scenery changes constantly, and once again I encountered almost no other drivers. It was a worthy detour.

Tomorrow I head over to CA Route 33, and drive south til I cross the Transverse Ranges and enter Ventura.

BREW OF THE DAY

Kern River Brewing Company had two different Imperial Stouts on tap. To help me decide, I was offered a taste of each. Both weighed in at 10.5% ABV. But one was much sweeter than the other. I went with the other.

My chosen beer was their Class X Imperial Stout. (It’s pronounced “Class Ten,” by the way. Like a yokel, I’d mistakenly called it “Class Eks.” It’s the opposite of the possibly apocryphal story about the news anchor in the 1960s who referred to the black Muslim activist as “Malcolm Ten.”)

Anyway, the beer: Nectar Of The Gods. This stuff is amazing. It has the color of espresso and the consistency of chocolate milk. The taste is a veritable symphony of carbonized foodstuffs: burnt marshmallow, burnt molasses, and maybe some bacon fond and a little roux. Midway through you taste some Folgers coffee and Dr Pepper. Finally, there’s a distinct sense of burnt toast on the finish. And they serve it on nitro (that is, it’s infused with nitrogen, which smooths the beer out a bit.) I’m serious; this is one of the best imperial stouts I’ve had.