Jackie O

Today we’re talking about JFK’s widow, who remarried and became Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, or “Jackie O” for short. There was some controversy surrounding her second marriage, which…. Oh, wait. Sorry; I misread my notes. We’re not actually talking about Jackie O today; rather, we’re talking about the Jack-O pizza from Papa Murphy’s.

As you probably know, Papa Murphy’s makes “take ‘n’ bake” [a needless contraction of take and bake] pizzas that you, well, take home ‘n’ bake. During the Halloween season they offer a specialty “Jack-O” pizza (sometimes called the Jack O’Lantern pizza), which is a pepperoni pizza that supposedly resembles a jack o’lantern. They’ve been doing this since at least 2011, as evidenced by this 2012 commercial that says it’s “back.”

Given that the Missus is away at a horse show and I’m forced to fend for myself, I say we check out this pizza!

Conceptual Soundness: It’s a pretty simple concept: Let’s shape our pizza like a jack o’lantern. The silhouette is pretty easy to achieve just by adding a stem to the top of the pizza. And then you arrange the pepperoni slices into eyes, nose, and mouth. It’s not overly imaginative, but it definitely evokes the Halloween spirit. I’ll give it 3 points.

Appearance: You’d definitely recognize it as a jack o’lantern. The eyes and nose would have probably been better presented if they’d cut the pepperonis into triangles. But the addition of olives for corneas (or maybe irises?) was a nice touch. Overall, it’s a fun, friendly, iconic look that earns 3.5 points.

Taste: Let me say from the outset that I love pizza. I think it’s one of nature’s most perfect foods. And pepperoni pizza is probably the best kind of pizza, so I was fully expecting to love this Jack-O.

Years ago I tried to imprint my love of pizza onto my toddler son. He had a play kitchen with plastic cookware and a toy oven and fake salt and pepper shakers and everything else you need to make a pretend dinner. I got him a little plastic Pizza Hut pepperoni pizza that comprised six hearty slices in a plastic deep dish. Over and over he would “bake” that pizza for me and I’d pretend to eat it.

That’s what this Jack-O tastes like.

The problem is with the crust. It’s way too bready for a traditional-crust pizza. In fact, it comes across as stretchy and gummy. Plus it lacks the cornmeal dusting, the brushed-on olive oil, and the yeasty goodness you want in a good pizza crust. I realize that might be expecting too much from a take ‘n’ bake pizza, but my complaints don’t end there.

A good pepperoni pizza is a balanced interplay between a light, not-quite-crispy crust, a rich base of tangy tomato sauce, and an even layer of melted cheese, topped with a generous airdrop of pepperoni. This pizza, by contrast, has been barely moistened with some weak tomato sauce. The cheese isn’t bad, but–and here’s the fatal flaw–the arrangement of the pepperoni results in many pepperoni-less bites of pizza. The placement of the meat is limited to the perimeter, with a few stray pieces to form the eyes, nose, and mouth. One way they could have gotten around this would have been to cover the whole pizza with pepperoni (as one does), and then hide all that pepperoni with cheese, and then make the face.

As much as it pains me, the poor crust and weak toppings force me to award only 1 point for taste.

Value: This “large” pizza (half of which I consumed for lunch) costs 10 bucks. That’s not too bad, even for a pizza you have to cook yourself. I note that the same pizza was $8 in 2012. Adjusted for inflation, that would be $11 today. So I guess the value is pretty good. I’ll give it 3 points.

Total Treat Score: 10.5 points/16 points.

There’s only 2 days left! Let’s hope for a home run soon!