Halloween Extravaganza!

Happy All-Hallow’s Eve! I trust your holiday is Spooktacular (to use a term popularized by local businesses leveraging a holiday about dead bodies and ghosts and candy to get you to buy a new refrigerator).

But seriously, make sure you take the time to enjoy the day, for in two more days daylight savings time ends, and then we enter the mad, frenetic rush headlong into the Thanksgiving and Christmas craziness and, before you know it, it’s 2026. And as you lay there on the couch next to your dead Christmas tree, exhausted with a massive NYE hangover and a credit card full of holiday debt, you’ll wish you’d taken the time to enjoy the simple pleasure of a handful of candy corn and Svengoolie on the TV.

Before we get into our final cocktail, I wanted you to know that all 31 of this month’s concoctions are featured in my forthcoming book, Potable Poe. Talk about the perfect Christmas gift! It’ll be available on Amazon early next month, with Spooktacular Savings. I’ll send out a notice when the book goes live.

Now, let’s get to our final Poe story/cocktail entry for October:

Cocktail 31: The Tell-Tale Heart

It was a low, dull, quick sound — much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I gasped for breath — and yet the officers heard it not. I talked more quickly — more vehemently; but the noise steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations; but the noise steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the observations of the men — but the noise steadily increased. Oh God! what could I do? I foamed — I raved — I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. It grew louder — louder — louder! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! — no, no! They heard! — they suspected! — they knew! — they were making a mockery of my horror! — this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! — and now — again! — hark! louder! louder! louder! louder! —

In this tale, the narrator tries to convince us that he is perfectly sane (which is almost always a sure sign of the opposite). He describes how he lived with an old man who never gave him any cause for offense…and yet how he hated the old man. A major factor was the old man’s vulture-like “pale blue eye, with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold; and so by degrees — very gradually — I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye forever.”

The narrator describes in careful detail how he lay in wait until the perfect opportunity; how he killed the old man; and how he dismembered the body and placed it under the floorboards. A bit later three local police officers show up, having been alerted by reports of a scream. But the narrator calmly replies that the sound was simply he, himself, experiencing a nightmare. With cocky confidence the narrator invites the police to search the old man’s room and judge for themselves that none of his treasures were missing. The police seem satisfied, and yet, the cocky narrator places chairs directly above the old man’s hidden remains and invites the officers to stay and rest a bit. He is the picture of confidence and innocence.

And yet, the narrator begins to hear a ringing, which becomes louder and morphs into what he assumes to be the beating of [the old man’s] hideous heart.” Unable to take it anymore, he rips up the floorboards and admits the deed.

The full story is available here.

I labored on this cocktail night after night. You fancy me mad? Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded — with what caution — with what foresight — with what dissimulation I went to work!

The cocktail–yes, it must somehow capture the very essence of Poe’s story. The essence, I say! I envisioned the top of the cocktail as a flat, solid surface which would resemble a floor, beneath which lay a beating, hideous heart. But how to accomplish this? After considering many plausible approaches, I decided that the “floor” should be represented with a layer of chocolate hard-shell, such as you might pour on an iced-cream.  And what of the “heart?” This, I decided, could be admirably represented with a suitable and evocative candy that would lie, still beating, still beating, at the bottom of the glass.

Alas, I did encounter a difficulty.  Creating the chocolate floor required that I somehow float the liquid chocolate at the top of the drink and keep it there, for several minutes, until it hardened into a solid layer. I made several fruitless attempts, carefully squeezing a thin layer of chocolate from the bottle, and each time the liquid immediately sank to the bottom of the drink. I tried floating a disk of Nori (that is, cut from a sheet of dried seaweed), to support the chocolate while it hardened, but this created a disgusting and inedible mess. And yet, did I give up? Most assuredly not! Eventually my labors were rewarded, and I settled on the method of first freezing the drink, so that the chocolate had a solid base on which to rest while it hardened. Then, after the chocolate had solidified, I could thaw the drink underneath it and leave the chocolate “floor” intact! Surely a madman could not devise such a clever plan! A drink thus prepared would present its recipient with the need to “tear up” the floorboards with a spoon in order to gain access to the drink…and to the hideous heart.

And what of the drink itself? This, too, I considered carefully. You will recall, of course, that in Poe’s tale the narrator says:

The old man was dead. I removed the bed and examined the corpse. Yes, he was stone, stone dead. I placed my hand upon the heart and held it there many minutes. There was no pulsation. He was stone dead.

Thrice Poe uses the adjective stone to describe the old man’s condition. Surely this is suggestive for the associated spirit (ha!) in this drink. Of course! We will use Stone’s Original Ginger Wine! Even more fortuitous, the “Ginger” in Ginger Wine reminds us of how carefully and cautiously–dare I say gingerly–the narrator opens the lantern to release a single ray of light on the old man’s Evil Eye? You must confess that no spirit is better suited to this cocktail than Stone’s Original Ginger Wine!

I will now share with you my recipe. Pay close attention!

Ingredients:

The presence of the chocolate suggests that this drink should take the form of a dessert cocktail. So our cocktail will essentially amount to a small glass of fortified wine. Find a small tulip glass, and place into it a hideous heart. I used a maraschino cherry, mainly because it behaves itself in liquid. I had earlier tried red saltwater taffy that I molded into an anatomically-correct heart, but it gradually dissolved and “bled” into the drink while the drink was cooling in the freezer.

Set aside the prepared glass, and mix the Stone’s and the honey in a mixing glass. The honey adds a bit more sweetness to the ginger-forward wine, helping it to stand up to the chocolate. Now pour the mixture into the tulip glass. Place the filled glass into your freezer.

The alcohol content of this drink is about 14 percent, and this strength of an alcohol mixture has a freezing point of 23 degrees Fahrenheit. See, I left nothing to chance! Would a madman have thought of this? You can be assured that, after a couple of hours, your drink will be frozen. Stone cold, even. 

Once the drink is frozen, remove it from the freezer and pour a thin layer of hard-shell on top. It will harden almost instantly. Use a sharp knife–I used a bloody stiletto–to lightly score lines in the chocolate to represent individual planks of flooring. Now place the drink in a refrigerator (not the freezer) or, if you’re impatient, leave it out on the counter.

You’re going to want to serve this drink the moment the Stone’s has returned to liquid…but before the hard shell melts. The job of the drink’s lucky recipient is to break through the chocolate “floorboards” with a demitasse spoon. Extra points for exclaiming “Villains! Dissemble no more! I admit the deed! — tear up the planks! — here, here! — it is the beating of his hideous heart!”

Poe-Script

As one of Poe’s most famous short stories, “The Tell-Tale Heart” has been translated into many languages, adapted for stage and radio and TV and film, been parodied in countless ways, made into video games and songs and comic books. One of the oldest adaptations was a silent movie released in 1928. It’s an exhilarating expressionist film with a strong Dr. Caligari vibe. It’s worth spending the 20 minutes required to watch this movie, which is available on YouTube. In fact, seeing as today is Halloween, here’s the link:

And thus, we come to the end of the month and of our journey into Edgar Allan Poe’s stories through the medium of spirits (so to speak). Thank you for joining me! This blog now returns to its more pedestrian purpose of exploring out-of-the-way and offbeat locales in this great country of ours. And we have some exciting trips planned for the coming months. So make sure you’re subscribed to this blog (see the link below)! Until then, remember: There’s no such thing as lychees.