Mum’s the Word

October 31, 2024 steveboilard5 Comments

Way back near the beginning of the month, when I was reviewing treats from coffee chains, I was salivating over Starbucks’ Mummy Cookie. Check it out:

Now, I am a huge fan of Starbucks’ frosted cookies. In fact, their’ snowman cookie (available each December) is a treat for the gods. This mummy looks like it could give the snowman a run for its money, and all the online hype suggested it might even be better. The cookie is made of shortbread, and the frosting is white chocolate. The design is absolutely adorable, with that minimalist round shape and two googly-eyes. I figured I’d keep this treat in reserve for my final post, assuming it would be the hands-down winner, unless something better came along.

So today–October 31–I strode into my local Starbucks so I could finally test-drive the mummy cookie. Imagine my horror when I saw this in the bakery case:

*Kind of notable that they have a pre-printed sign to that effect.*

Foiled again! I immediately searched the Starbucks app for a store that had the mummy cookie. This is what I encountered over and over again:

Eventually I had to accept the reality that I’d missed the Mummy Cookie Window for 2024. Nevertheless, I still needed to do my final blog entry and I still had a hankering for a frosted cookie. So I headed to the closest bakery:

I explained to the delightful, costumed young lady at Caffe Santoro in Diamond Springs that I was looking for a good Halloween cookie. She looked remorseful, as though I had asked her for unavailable medicine for my ailing child. “I’m so-o-o sorry! We’d made a bunch of ghosts and pumpkins and bats, but they’re all sold out. All we have are these dinosaurs.”

Dinosaurs?

After a few other false leads I finally ended up at Love Birds Coffee and Tea Company.

I breathlessly asked the barista if they had any Halloween cookies. “We have pumpkins! Do you want orange or white?” Naturally and unimaginatively I selected the orange pumpkin. This looked promising.

Conceptual Soundness: Love Birds has a pretty solid cookie concept here. They took a standard round cookie, and decorated it with thick frosting to create a plump, orange pumpkin. What sets this concept apart from other pumpkin cookies is the attention to detail, which we’ll discuss under “appearance” below. That, and they are willing to actually have cookies available on Halloween. That’s worth 3.5 points!

Appearance: I have to say, this is one of the best-looking pumpkin cookies I’ve seen. The frosting is so thick that they’re able to achieve a 3-D effect. Just look at those carved vertical lines defining several distinct lobes! They’ve also used three different colors, creating curly green vines and a brown stem, in addition to the pastel-orange pumpkin itself. It’s appealing and colorful and fun. It’s definitely worth 4 points.

Taste: Having spent the previous hour unsuccessfully searching for a Halloween treat, I was eager to sink my teeth into this attractive treat. I was hoping to capture some of the delight I’d associated with Starbucks’ elusive mummy cookie. But even before this pumpkin cookie hit my tongue I could tell something was wrong. Something–either the frosting or maybe the cookie itself–was emitting an odd smell that reminded me of industrial bathroom disinfectant. Then, as I began to chew the cookie, I noticed that it was under-baked. It was simultaneously too chewy and rather oily. The frosting, too, had an odd texture that was thin almost to the point of being runny. Now, to be fair, I’d had my heart set on a shortbread cookie, which is crisp and crumbly and buttery. But even after adjusting my expectations, it was clear that this cookie was limp and oily and Lysol-y. I will give it 1 point, because the flavor (versus the smell and the texture) wasn’t bad.

Value: This cookie cost $4. It’s a good-size cookie, from an independent baker, so I guess that’s the going rate. The mummy cookie is $3.75, and it’s definitely smaller. So I’ll give this 2.5 points.

Total Treat Score: 11 points/16 points

If you’ve actually eaten a mummy cookie, please send me your review in the comments below

MAIL BAG

Several faithful readers suggested I mark this week’s passing of Teri Garr (1944-2024), who co-starred in Mel Brooks’ Young Frankenstein. I’ve noted several times in this blog that Young Frankenstein is one of my favorite movies, and it’s ideal for a night like this. And watching it would be a great way to honor the memory of Teri Garr. Thank you, Teri, for all the entertainment you gave us through television and movies.

You can see the joke coming from a mile away, but it still cracks me up.

And so we come to the end of another October. I want to thank all my loyal readers, and especially those who shared their comments and recommendations, for joining me this month. It’s been a fun, albeit a very fattening, experience.

I’m already planning the 31 blog entries for October 2025. I can’t release details yet, but I think you’re going to find it to be both spooky and entertaining.

Meanwhile, I’m turning the blog back over to road trips, and we’ll have a couple of good ones in the next few months. Stay tuned, and have a Happy Halloween!

2024 Halloween treats

Boo Burger

October 30, 2024 steveboilard1 Comment

Most businesses try to leverage holidays for their financial benefit. So I wasn’t surprised when I saw that Carl’s Jr. is selling a “Ghost Burger” through the month of October. Check out this ad:

See if you can spot the little ghost that pops up around the 8-second mark.

Here’s how they describe it: “Charbroiled all-beef patty, ghost pepper cheese, two slices of bacon, sliced onion, lettuce, sliced tomato, pickles, and soul-scorching sauce on a seeded bun.” I also saw a print ad that says the burger is “haunted by ghost pepper cheese.”

So this is their Halloween offering, right? Alas, I’m not so sure. Because Carl’s (Carl’s’s?) press release made it sound like their marketing campaign is a play on “ghosting” (i.e., when you are suddenly and inexplicably ignored). I’m not making this up. Here’s an excerpt from their press release:

“Nothing burns more than getting ignored or left on read [I assume he means “unread”?], except for the mouth-numbing heat of our new burger, The Ghost,” said Carl’s Jr. vice president of marketing, Anthony Nguyen. “At Carl’s Jr., we see you, we hear you, and we want to give you burgers … to take your mind off of the burn from ghosting.”

So, is this a Halloween offering, or not? It would have been shockingly remiss for Carl’s Jr’s advertising team to launch a product with “ghost” in its name a few weeks before Halloween and not tie it in to the holiday. So I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they meant to market it with multiple themes.

(As a side bar: Carl’s picked up the “ghost burger” right after Burger King dropped their “Ghost Pepper Whopper.” Check out BK’s commercial. Now they know how to leverage Halloween!)

Better directing, acting, and F/X than some blockbuster movies I’ve seen.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, we’re going to review Carl’s Ghost Burger.

Conceptual Soundness: Notwithstanding the possibility that Carl’s walked right past the obvious Halloween connection, this is a good Halloween concept. Adding ghost pepper cheese is legit and substantive as a recipe tweak, and the reference to “ghost” connects it to a fundamental Halloween trope. I would have given it 4 points if they’d played up the Halloween angle, but as it is, I’ll give it 3 points.

Appearance: Well, it’s just a burger. But at least it’s a big, loaded burger. Unfortunately, the only special feature on the packaging is a “limited time offer” sticker on the wrapper.

The “seeded bun” is obviously lacking, but the burger matches the bun’s diameter, and there are generous amounts of bacon, cheese, and vegetables spilling out the sides. It’s a very appealing (if not especially festive) burger. 2.5 points.

*I count maybe 3 sesame seeds on this supposedly “seeded bun.”*

Taste: First things first: The ghost pepper cheese (and, to a lesser extent, the “soul-scorching sauce”) get top billing in the advertising. And they actually deliver! This burger has some real heat to it. It’s not just a little spice like you’d get in Hot Tamale candies; this is a real, high-Scoville burn. To be sure, it’s not four-alarm chili, but you definitely feel it and I was even sweating a little bit.

And you have to consider this in context. I seek out spicy food whenever I can, and I’ve developed a high tolerance for it. It used to be when a restaurant server would ask me how hot I want my burrito/pulled pork/barbecue sauce, I’d respond with “tell the cook I dare him to make it as hot as he can.” But then, one time the cook evidently thought he’d teach this Gringo a lesson and laced my burrito with napalm. I don’t issue dares to cooks any longer. Anyway, this Ghost Burger is not inedibly hot, but it definitely gets your attention.

Other than the heat, this tastes like a regular bacon burger. Which is fine, but nothing to write home about. All considered, I’ll give the taste 3 points.

Value: I’m old enough to remember when Carl’s named one of their 1/3 pound burgers with all the trimmings a “six dollar burger.” The marketing campaign claimed you’d pay six dollars for a burger like this in a regular sit-down restaurant (like maybe Applebee’s). And Carl’s only charged like $3.99. Then it went up to $4.99. Eventually inflation brought the cost to the point where they had to charge more than $6 for their “six dollar burger,” so they dropped the name.

This Ghost Burger cost me $7.89, which I’m guessing is pretty standard for fast food these days. A quick Google search tells me a Big Mac is around $5.79, and a Whopper is (shockingly) around ten bucks. Carl’s has always seemed to be a price point higher than other fast food burger places, but they also flame-broil their burgers, generally have a cleaner and more welcoming dining area, and actually deliver your food to your table (if you choose to eat there, as I did). Plus, the restaurant was decorated for Halloween like Mrs. Brigham’s 4th-grade classroom. I’m going to give the Ghost Burger 3.5 points for value.

*The decorations at Carl’s Jr were a little thin, but they hung together pretty well.*

Total Treat Score: 12 points/16 points. Go get one while they’re available; it’s sure to lift your spirits! (Har)

Tomorrow we come to an end of our month-long investigation of Halloween treats. May I suggest you get your hands on whichever treat was your favorite and enjoy it while you read tomorrow’s Spooktacular Finale.

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween

Jackie O

October 29, 2024 steveboilard1 Comment

Today we’re talking about JFK’s widow, who remarried and became Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, or “Jackie O” for short. There was some controversy surrounding her second marriage, which…. Oh, wait. Sorry; I misread my notes. We’re not actually talking about Jackie O today; rather, we’re talking about the Jack-O pizza from Papa Murphy’s.

As you probably know, Papa Murphy’s makes “take ‘n’ bake” [a needless contraction of take and bake] pizzas that you, well, take home ‘n’ bake. During the Halloween season they offer a specialty “Jack-O” pizza (sometimes called the Jack O’Lantern pizza), which is a pepperoni pizza that supposedly resembles a jack o’lantern. They’ve been doing this since at least 2011, as evidenced by this 2012 commercial that says it’s “back.”

Given that the Missus is away at a horse show and I’m forced to fend for myself, I say we check out this pizza!

Conceptual Soundness: It’s a pretty simple concept: Let’s shape our pizza like a jack o’lantern. The silhouette is pretty easy to achieve just by adding a stem to the top of the pizza. And then you arrange the pepperoni slices into eyes, nose, and mouth. It’s not overly imaginative, but it definitely evokes the Halloween spirit. I’ll give it 3 points.

Appearance: You’d definitely recognize it as a jack o’lantern. The eyes and nose would have probably been better presented if they’d cut the pepperonis into triangles. But the addition of olives for corneas (or maybe irises?) was a nice touch. Overall, it’s a fun, friendly, iconic look that earns 3.5 points.

Taste: Let me say from the outset that I love pizza. I think it’s one of nature’s most perfect foods. And pepperoni pizza is probably the best kind of pizza, so I was fully expecting to love this Jack-O.

Years ago I tried to imprint my love of pizza onto my toddler son. He had a play kitchen with plastic cookware and a toy oven and fake salt and pepper shakers and everything else you need to make a pretend dinner. I got him a little plastic Pizza Hut pepperoni pizza that comprised six hearty slices in a plastic deep dish. Over and over he would “bake” that pizza for me and I’d pretend to eat it.

That’s what this Jack-O tastes like.

The problem is with the crust. It’s way too bready for a traditional-crust pizza. In fact, it comes across as stretchy and gummy. Plus it lacks the cornmeal dusting, the brushed-on olive oil, and the yeasty goodness you want in a good pizza crust. I realize that might be expecting too much from a take ‘n’ bake pizza, but my complaints don’t end there.

A good pepperoni pizza is a balanced interplay between a light, not-quite-crispy crust, a rich base of tangy tomato sauce, and an even layer of melted cheese, topped with a generous airdrop of pepperoni. This pizza, by contrast, has been barely moistened with some weak tomato sauce. The cheese isn’t bad, but–and here’s the fatal flaw–the arrangement of the pepperoni results in many pepperoni-less bites of pizza. The placement of the meat is limited to the perimeter, with a few stray pieces to form the eyes, nose, and mouth. One way they could have gotten around this would have been to cover the whole pizza with pepperoni (as one does), and then hide all that pepperoni with cheese, and then make the face.

As much as it pains me, the poor crust and weak toppings force me to award only 1 point for taste.

Value: This “large” pizza (half of which I consumed for lunch) costs 10 bucks. That’s not too bad, even for a pizza you have to cook yourself. I note that the same pizza was $8 in 2012. Adjusted for inflation, that would be $11 today. So I guess the value is pretty good. I’ll give it 3 points.

Total Treat Score: 10.5 points/16 points.

There’s only 2 days left! Let’s hope for a home run soon!

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween · Halloween Cocktails

Before the Cream Sits Out Too Long

October 28, 2024 steveboilard4 Comments

If you immediately identified the title of today’s blog as a lyric from Devo’s “Whip it,” you, like me, are either currently or will soon be eligible for Social Security.

Isn’t it shocking how the music we once thought was cutting-edge and innovative is now being played as generic background music at Target?

Anyway, we’ve moved into the last few days of October, and the theme this week is just a grab-bag of various foodstuffs. And “Whip It” is indeed the theme today. Our son and daughter-in-law (who are both faithful readers of Chasing Phantoms) contributed to this project an unwanted can of something called “Whip Shots.” Observe:

*“You will never live it down/Unless you whip it.”*

This requires several important observations before we start our review:

Whip Shots is clearly trying to convey the idea of pumpkin-spice-flavored whipped cream. But it’s entirely non-dairy. Not only is it not necessary to refrigerate this “Whip Shot;” the container specifically directs you “do not refrigerate.” Which reminds me of the admonition: “do not taunt Happy Fun Ball”

2. Whip Shots is a vodka-infused whipped (fake) cream, that is manufactured by a company called Temperance Distilling. Now that’s a worthy name for an alcohol purveyor. They’re located in Temperance, MI (pop: 9,200), which may well be a future destination for Chasing Phantoms. And guess what? The force behind this product is supposedly Belcalis Marlenis Cephus, otherwise known as Cardi B. But I won’t let that influence my rating.

Well, I guess I can’t put this off any longer. Let’s give this a “shot.”

Conceptual Soundness: I dunno. This stuff was released a year or two ago. But “alcohol-infused whipped cream” has been around for almost 20 years, according to Wikipedia. So it’s not really a new idea. I guess the claims to fame here are (1) the association with Cardi B (which is meaningless); the pumpkin spice flavor (which practically defines the disparaging slang term “basic”), and the use of “ulta-premium” vodka (which is about as meaningful as “deluxe” or “heavy duty” on every cheap Chinese tool at Harbor Freight). I’ll give it one point, just because I’m a softy.

Appearance: OK, this looks really appealing. It has a good pumpkin color, and comes out of the can looking like Reddi Whip. It has a great texture and the extruded shape has decorative flourishes. You really couldn’t ask for more from your “vodka-infused whipped cream.” 4 points.

Taste: Here’s where I got a little stumped. How are you even supposed to eat this stuff? The can says this is a “delicious way to top off your cocktails and desserts.” But let’s start by just eating it alone, to see what we’re working with.

Well, that was disgusting. There’s a distinct taste of vodka, but I’m here to tell you that it’s definitely not “ultra-premium” vodka, whatever that even means. It just tastes like cheap spirits to me.

This concoction is heavily sweetened, in the same sense that hummingbird food is heavily sweetened. In either case, I wouldn’t want to eat it. The container explains it uses both “natural and artificial flavors,” which is tantamount to telling me a drink contains “both nonlethal and lethal ingredients.” I mean, what’s so great about having some of the non-horrible stuff when it also contains the horrible stuff? To me, this tastes chemical-y, like whatever that was that the Joker fell into.

“*When something’s going wrong/You must whip it.*“

Now, to be fair, Temperance Distilling or Cardi B or whoever writes the ad copy recommends using Whip Shots as a topping on a cocktail. So let’s try it on a vodka martini. I’ll even add some of that activated charcoal, to give it a Halloween vibe. Who knows? Maybe we’ll come up with a great new Halloween cocktail!

*“Looking good,” as Freddie Prinze used to say…*

Never has there been such a disconnect between visual promise and gustatory reality. This is positively disgusting. We’ve learned that “Whip Shots” vodka-infused, non-dairy mystery topping is inedible. Plus, I’m starting to get a headache. Zero points.

Value: It seems the best price is available at Total Wine, where you can buy this 200 ml can for $10.99. That works out to $1.62 per ounce, which is a little more than a typical chocolate bar, but a little less than a scoop of ice cream. Strictly for visual appeal, it might be worth serving this stuff at a party where guests aren’t familiar with decent vodka. Like maybe a children’s Halloween party. I’ll give it 2 points, and that’s just because I really don’t know much about Cardi B.

Total Treat Score: 7 point/16 points

I’m really hoping we find something good by Thursday!

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween

The Maxim of the Wary Dutch

October 27, 2024 steveboilard1 Comment

You probably know of a house or two in your neighborhood that comes into its own on Halloween. It’s the kind of house that looks a little Addams-y, or at least is well-designed to accommodate cool Halloween decorations. I noticed such a house on Highway 49 in Placerville this morning.

*Sort of like House of Seven Gables, on a hill with a mournful ghost and a graveyard.*

*The ghost, I assume, is a temporary addition for Halloween. But what about those lions?*

What’s missing from the house is a pumpkin. Perhaps a jack o’lantern will appear on Halloween, but a little orange would complete the look, I think.

And that’s my awkward way of introducing today’s Treat of the Day. Recall our conversation last week about Thrifty Ice Cream. Well, today I had the opportunity to get a scoop of said dessert at Rite Aid.

I scanned their (limited) selection of flavors, and found this “limited edition” seasonal offering:

Would it be as good as the Thrifty ice cream of my childhood? Let’s find out!

Conceptual Soundness: Let’s color some ice cream pumpkin-orange and call it “pumpkin spice.” That’s pretty much the whole concept. It seems half-hearted and derivative. Couldn’t they come up with a better name that made it seem unique or playful? Like “Let’s Give ‘Em Pumpkin to Talk About.” Or “Oh My Gourd!” They could also give it a bit more of a twist by adding something interesting, like candy pieces or rum or something. As a concept, this feels pretty flat. 1.5 points.

Appearance of the Treat: There’s a reason Thrifty ice cream is so inexpensive. They don’t put much effort or expense into appearance. The paper cup looks like it hasn’t been redesigned since 1985. Each scoop of ice cream is shaped like small can of chopped olives, with hole stabbed into the top c/o the clunky (but efficient) ice cream scoop that Thrifty has been using for decades The color is severely monochromatic and not even the right color. In a word, it’s boring. 1 point.

Taste: OK, this is absolutely delicious. It’s rich and creamy and sweet without being too sweet. I don’t really taste the much-touted “spice,” but that’s OK . This ice cream is so tasty, and the mouthfeel is so satisfying, that I am overlooking the misleading “pumpkin spice” promise. I had two full scoops and was left wanting more. You just can’t tire of this ice cream! 4 points.

Value: A cup was $2.50, which is half the price of B-R and other major ice creams. An easy 4 points.

Total Treat Score: 10.5 points/16 points.

Get a scoop and take it home to your haunted house!

BTW, the full quote referenced in the headline is: “The thrifty maxim of the wary Dutch/is to save all the Money they can touch.”