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Advent Spirits Day 22: Still Gin

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Remember yesterday when I was bemoaning how it seems that everyone who has put out a record has launched their own brand of alcoholic spirit? Well, meet Still Gin (or, more precisely, Still G.I.N.), which comes from your friends Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre. I’m not making this up.

Snoop is an interesting guy: He’s put his name on cannabis (I know; shocking, right?), pet supplies, wine, breakfast foods (“Snoop Loops,” which was probably inevitable), coffee, and numerous other products. He also has changed his name several times, from Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr., to Snoop Doggy Dogg, to simply Snoop Dogg, then for a brief time to Snoop Lion (does anyone remember that??), and now, apparently, back to Snoop Dogg. Meanwhile, Dr. Dre is known for his “Beats” headphones, which at least are remotely connected to the profession for which he is known.

So now they’ve made a gin. Excuse me if I’m skeptical. And yet, their combined worth is about a billion dollars (Dre has the “lion’s” share, if you’ll pardon the expression.) So they must know a thing or two about pleasing the public. Then again, McDonald’s knows a thing or two about pleasing the public, but no one wouldn’t call their hamburgers gourmet.

Let’s check the blurb on their website: “Modern yet elegant, the latest release from the hip-hop icons’ new spirit company bursts with notes of tangerine, jasmine, and coriander for an unforgettable aromatic finish. Defiantly smooth.” Well, we should give it a try.

Appearance: It’s as transparent as my barista’s uncharacteristic friendliness during the Christmas Tip Season.

Aroma: This actually has an inviting aroma. There’s no alcohol astringency–just botanical freshness. It’s mild and floral and maybe a little citrus. Dare I say “gin and juice?”

Taste: OK, I have to admit this is one of the best gins I’ve tasted. It’s exceptionally (or is that “defiantly”?) smooth. There’s no alcohol harshness. It tastes like a walk through a botanical garden on a spring day right after a rain. (Snoop, I’ll give you that one for free.)

Finish: There’s a crispness on the finish that really puts a bow on the sipping experience. It’s got the alcohol warmth without the bite. That’s some sophisticated crippin’. OK, I’ll stop now.

Bottom Line: This stuff is about the same price as Bombay London Dry Gin, which is my usual bar staple. I think I like Snoop’s version better for sipping…but how would it be in a martini? We may need to explore this further.

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Advent Spirits Day 21: Larceny Bourbon

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Every time I walk the aisles at Total Wine–which isn’t more than once a week or so–I spy a bottle of bourbon called “Larceny.” Over the past decade we’ve seen an increasing trend of winkingly naming your alcoholic beverage with a negative word, and hoping everyone will see you as the ironic hipster you pretend to be. Exhibit A is Snoop Dog’s “19 Crimes” wines. Exhibit B is Klamath Basin Brewing Company’s “Butt Crack Brown Ale.” I’m not making this up. I suppose these are the natural progression of absolutely every restaurant calling their chocolate dessert “decadent” in the hopes that giggling BFFs would see it as an indulgent way to prove how transgressive they are.

Which brings us to Larceny Bourbon. It’s named in honor of a late-19th century federal Treasury agent named John E. Fitzgerald who, by virtue of his position, had access to bourbon warehouses. Legend (or maybe just Larceny’s PR team) has it that Fitzgerald would steal the best bourbon from those warehouses, and that best bourbon, supposedly, was the kind that used wheat instead of rye. So Larceny is supposedly carrying on the legacy by making their bourbon with wheat.

Let’s see how the distiller (which, to be honest, is mega-distiller Heaven Hill) describes it:

“Our signature Wheated Bourbon balances aromas of toffee with the buttery taste of caramel and subtle notes of honey. Mix it in a cocktail or sip it on the rocks. Tonight is yours for tasting.” OK, let’s see if this wheated mash bill is really something to write home about.

Appearance: It’s exactly the color of the railroad pocket watch that I received for Christmas when I was eleven years old. It had a clear plastic front with shiny gold-colored paint on the back cover. It also had a cheap gold-colored chain with a clasp on the end that I affixed to my belt loop. I’m sure I looked like a total dork–a kid in the 1970s with a 19th-century pocket watch in his Levi’s. Maybe I would have fit in better in John E. Fitzgerald’s day.

Aroma: I’m sure this is just the power of suggestion, but it smells like an old lock that’s been sprayed with WD-40. And if you know WD-40, you know it’s a pleasant smell.

Taste: I think the wheat does make a difference. This tastes quite distinct from the other bourbons we’ve tried this month. It comes across as smoother and not as spicy. I taste buttered Pillsbury dinner rolls, toasted walnut, and a little bit of metallic taste (from the lock, no doubt).

Finish: It’s an exceptionally smooth finish, with a clean and crisp aftertaste. You really don’t realize you’re drinking 92 proof bourbon.

Bottom Line: You should steal a bottle.

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Advent Spirits Day 20: Cazadores Tequila

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Here it is, the 20th of the month, and only now do we get to a second tequila. This time it’s from a company called Cazadores.

Now, this is a blanco tequila, meaning that it’s not aged. So that’s strike 1. But let’s see if their website can give us any reasons to love it:

“Crafted in the Highlands of Jalisco, made with 100% Blue Weber Agave, Cazadores has stayed true to its roots since 1922 — authentic, smooth, and made to celebrate lifes [sic] real moments.”

Other than the claim about the agave, this is pretty meaningless. And their credibility is shot given their inability to properly use punctuation.

Then they add that their blanco is “tequila in its purest form, without aging, for intensity and real flavor of agave. Citrus fruits, fragrant herbs and the customary smooth finish makes [sic] Tequila CAZADORES® Blanco excellent for cocktails or sipped neat.” Strike 2.

Still, I am a professional, and I will taste this tequila in spite of the errors of punctuation and subject-verb agreement.

Appearance: As an unaged spirit, this is as colorless and unremarkable as my dating life in college.

Aroma: It smells fresh and slightly honey-sweet, with a little citrus in the background. It’s inoffensive, though not exactly what I’d want in an alcoholic drink.

Taste: Now would probably be a good time to admit that I’m not a huge fan of tequila (though I do like me a good Mezcal). So when I say that this stuff tastes like Plasti-Goop, it’s entirely possible that it’s supposed to taste that way. In any event, the taste reminds me of plastic irrigation pipe and Berryman Chemtool and glazing putty.

Finish: Now, here’s the secret to Cazadores’ success (for they’ve been around for over a century): The finish is not nearly as harsh as the chemical-y taste would lead you to expect. In fact, I’d say the finish is mild, and somehow those sweet and citrus notes from the nose turn up again to seduce you into thinking maybe you were hasty in disparaging the taste. So you take another sip, and the scales fall from your eyes. And you pour it into the nearest potted palm. Won’t get fooled again.

Bottom Line: As I said, I’m not a blanco tequila fan. So if it’s your thing, don’t let me yuck your yum. But do yourself a favor and mix it into a margarita.

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Advent Spirits Day 19: Traveller Whiskey

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Earlier this year I was at a fundraising dinner for some worthy cause (although I confess I don’t remember what the cause was). In the back of the room they had a bunch of tables with silent auction items. Most of them were the usual baskets of stuff purchased from Target and arranged around some theme, like a “movie night” basket with popcorn and nuts and coffee table book of Roger Ebert’s top 100 reviews. Or maybe a “margarita basket” with two plastic margarita “glasses” and a bottle of mixer and some rimming salt. But what caught my eye was a glass decanter in the shape of a motorcycle with a bottle of whiskey to fill it with. This was pretty much the only thing on the table that I couldn’t just go out and easily buy on my own at Target. My bid went unchallenged, and I went home with the decanter and a bottle of Traveller Whiskey. (The British spelling is theirs…which is weird, since it comes from Kentucky.)

All fueled up.

I had never heard of Traveller Whiskey before, but I assumed it was decent, given the minimum bid they had set. (Only now does it occur to me that they might have paired the motorcycle with Traveller Whiskey as a nod to the linking theme of transportation.) In any event, Traveller Whiskey is our Advent Spirit, so we’ll be able to determine whether I was ripped off or not!

Now, Traveller is made by Buffalo Trace, which is a respected pedigree. It’s also another one of those collaborations with a musician–this time a country singer-songwriter named Chris Stapleton. I hadn’t heard of him, but apparently he’s popular and accomplished enough that more culturally-aware people–like yourself–have heard his music. (Evidently he’s known for his cover of the classic country song “Tennessee Whiskey” from his debut album Traveller. So that explains the name…but not the spelling.)

Pour y’all a shot?

Anyway, I still don’t put much stock in which musicians are associated with my whiskey. I just want to know how it tastes. The website isn’t of much help. They say “For this first-of-its-kind collaboration from Buffalo Trace Distillery, Traveller brings together the collective artistry of 11-time Grammy Award-Winning musician Chris Stapleton and Buffalo Trace Distillery Master Distiller, Harlen Wheatley.” They also say, somewhat apropos of nothing, “Traveller Whiskey is the first-ever Official Whiskey of Major League Baseball.” OK….

So I see that the only way we’re going to understand what’s going on with this whiskey is by pouring a shot. Here ‘goes.

Appearance: Whether by design or not, it’s the color of the highlights in Chris Stapleton’s beard.

Aroma: It also smells like Chris Stapleton’s beard. Haha! That was a little joke. It actually smells like his feet.

Taste: Can we please get serious? The taste is decent enough. It’s pretty smooth. This is a blend of various straight whiskies (which must each be aged for at least 2 years). Given that it’s from Buffalo Trace, I’d guess the component whiskies are aged longer than that. This doesn’t feel as “hot” as a young whisky can, and you really taste the layers of oak, toasted nuts, vanilla, and unleavened bread. So put that in your motorcycle and drink it!

Finish: It’s a smooth finish with no burn. It seems to resolve into hot buttered vodka. And that’s a good thing.

Bottom Line: I’d consider adopting this as a staple for my bar. But I’d use it as a mixer, not as a sipper. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go put some Chris Stapleton on the turntable and see what all the fuss is about.

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Advent Spirits Day 18: Boone’s Bourbon

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Have you ever heard of Tyler Boone? Neither had I, but he’s a singer-songwriter of roots/Americana music and, more importantly for our purposes, he’s the founder of a company called Boone’s Bourbon. Now, it would be fair to ask what kind of credentials he brings to the distilling business, and it seems like the answer is “not much.” But that really doesn’t matter, because he isn’t responsible for distilling the stuff. He has that done by a place called Striped Pig Distillery in Charleston, SC. And that’s fine. But it does make one wonder what’s the difference between Boone’s Bourbon and Striped Pig Bourbon. With any luck, we’ll sample some Striped Pig before Advent is over.

There’s a couple of other points to note about Boone’s Bourbon. First, it’s quite strong (117 proof). Most of the other boubons we’ve tasted clock in between 80 and 86 proof. Second, it’s only aged for about 6 months. (They don’t highlight this fact; instead, they say it is “aged to perfection.”) The combination of high alcohol and short aging doesn’t strike me as promising. But there’s only one way to find out…

Appearance: It seems light for a bourbon. It’s a pale yellow, like an uncarbonated Corona beer.

Aroma: There’s not much nose on this at all. I detect a slight whiff of a spent match, backed by a hint of Windex.

Taste: Whoa. That’s definitely high-alcohol. And the alcohol is actually a bit overpowering. But there is some oak on the palate, despite the short time in the barrel. There’s also some toffee and grape seed. But I’d be lying if I didn’t emphasize that the predominant taste is the high-VOC blast of alcohol.

Finish: There’s a lingering burn on the front of the tongue. There’s also a darkening at the edges of your field of vision, but I’m hoping that’s a temporary side effect.

Bottom Line: If you want to get wasted, this is the bourbon for you. But if you are looking for any something that’s actually pleasant to sip, I’d point you towards bourbons that have been aged for at least a few years.