Buzz Cauldron

October 18, 2024 steveboilardLeave a comment

I hope you caught that Apollo 11 reference…

We’re at that point in October where the Halloween products are becoming scarce, crowded out by the early and unwelcome onslaught of Christmas. This was driven home today while I was scanning the shelves for a Halloween drink at my local Nugget grocery store, and I was faced with various eggnog concoctions, mulled wine kits, premixed wassail, and something called Liquid Fruitcake. But just as I was about to despair that Halloween had somehow ended two weeks early I spotted this guy staring back at me:

I’d never heard of this “Buzzballz Biggies Pumpkin.” It looked intriguing. But in retrospect, I should have noticed the many warning signs:

First, “Buzzballs” is a trademarked name obviously pitched at those who are looking for a quick buzz. (Though at 15% ABV, this stuff isn’t as potent as a simple bottle of Scotch.) It seems to be marketed to the same crowd that would drink peppermint schnapps.

Second, there’s this on the ingredient list:

*Raises more questions than it answers.*

“Other than standard?” And just how good would a “standard” orange wine be?

Third, this is sold in a 1.75 liter container. That’s 2.3 times the size of your standard wine bottle (orange or otherwise). How much of this stuff can you really drink?? My theory is that they know you’ll hate it, so they force you in your one and only purchase to buy many times more than you’re willing to drink.

Foolishly, I ignored the warning signs and plowed ahead.

Before actually partaking, I searched the internet for reviews of this drink. There are many videos, but this is the only one I am comfortable posting on this G-rated blog:

Anyway, somehow I ended up at home with 1.75 liters of “Buzzballs.” So let’s get on with it.

Conceptual Soundness: I confess that I’m not entirely clear on what the concept even is. Obviously it’s packaged to look like a jack o’lantern, so this is clearly aimed at the Halloween market. As near as I can tell it’s meant to be an alcoholic Pumpkin Spice Latte. And I guess that’s a decent concept. I mean, the PSL is popular this time of year, and vodka is always in season. Reminds me of the old Reeses commercials, which played up the accidental but delightful combining of chocolate and peanut butter. Could this deliver a similarly happy combo? I’m intrigued enough to give it 2.5 points.

Appearance: The packaging definitely caught my eye. The graphics are pretty low-grade, and the shape is more like a Roadrunner-style, acme bomb than a pumpkin. But it’s semi-cute.

Unfortunately, the appearance of the drink itself is a huge disappointment. It’s not a pleasant shade of pumpkin carotene orange, as you’d expect. Instead, it’s an anemic white, resembling the off-brand nonfat milk you might find at the school cafeteria. I am compelled to award zero points.

Taste: When I was in high school, one of my classmates–Bill M.–got a job working at the campus snack bar. At recess, I’d get in line like everyone else, and when it was my turn Bill would hand me a “suicide” drink of his own devising, as well as a handful of “change.” But I wouldn’t have paid him any money at all. It was a great scam.

The drinks he handed me were disgusting (though the price was right). They’d be some random blend of 7-Up, Dr. Pepper (in those days the “Dr.” still had a period), Canada Dry Ginger Ale, and Tab. One day, unbeknownst to me, he slipped in a shot or two of vodka. It was a disgusting, cloyingly sweet drink with an unexpected bite of alcohol. I puked in the boys’ room.

The Buzzballz tastes like that.

Actually, that analogy doesn’t fully capture the horror. This tastes like Bill M’s silly high school drink, but with the addition of a half-dozen packets of saccharine. I can’t overstate how cloying this is.

Now, this confuses me. Most of the online reviews claim Buzzballs tastes like “pumpkin pie” or a “pumpkin spice latte.” But all I taste is Sweet’N low and rubbing alcohol. Zero points.

You wonder if this foul potation is meant to be mixed with something, as you would Baily’s or Kahlua. But all the reviews I read suggested you should just chug it straight out of the container. Here’s a sample review, but please note that the language doesn’t meet my family-friendly blog standards:

Drinking demonstration around 02:00. Things get interesting around 03:45.

Ease of Preparation: The drink is pre-mixed, so there’s that. Just open and chug. But paying for it is another thing. This bottle cost me $25. Combining those two factors, let’s give it 2 points.

Total Treat Score: 4.5 points/16 points.

My recommendation is instead you try to track down Bill M.

The Queen of Poisons

October 17, 2024 steveboilardLeave a comment

Once a year around this time I break out the absinthe. And then, after having a drink, I put the bottle away in disgust until the next year.

Attentive readers will recall my review of absinthe in 2022. That was straight absinthe which I drank via the”Bohemian” method. It wasn’t terrible.

The real attraction of absinthe is not the flavor (which is rather foul), but the appearance, the lore, and the association with the likes of Edgar Allan Poe and Oscar Wilde. Let’s take them one by one:

Absinthe is characterized by a bright green color, which is imparted from chlorophyll in its constituent herbs. It’s an otherworldly color which is perfect for Halloween.

Absinthe was popular among artists and other members of society’s fringe in the 19th century. It was considered the LSD of its day. Many claimed that the drink was highly addictive and promoted hallucinations and even, eventually, insanity. This led to its being banned in Europe and the US. Interestingly, this prohibition wasn’t lifted until 2007.

Absinthe is associated with some famous offbeat characters. It’s said that the drink was responsible for Van Gogh’s ear-lopping incident. It’s also said to have inspired some of Edgar Allan Poe’s more outre tales. (Interested readers can learn more here.)

Absinthe is also associated with Ernest Hemingway, who created a cocktail he called “Death in the Afternoon” (after his 1932 book about bullfighting). Here’s how Hemingway described the drink: “Pour one jigger absinthe into a Champagne glass. Add iced Champagne until it attains the proper opalescent milkiness. Drink three to five of these slowly.” I love a challenge–let’s make five of them!

Conceptual Soundness: As noted above, the mere inclusion of absinthe imbues the drink with Bohemian cred. But the addition of champagne seems an odd choice, especially for a two-ingredient cocktail. What’s more, the name, while perhaps evocative for a Halloween cocktail, seems to have nothing to do with the drink itself. 1 point.

Appearance: In a bit of reverse alchemy, this cocktail takes two attractive ingredients–bright green absinthe and pale gold champagne–and combines them into a sickly viridescent color reminiscent of lime Kool-Aid cut with cat urine. I can’t get behind this. Zero points.

Taste: The combination of brut champagne and absinthe is rather jarring. It’s like sucking on a lime immediately after brushing your teeth with Pepsodent. You simultaneously experience a sickly sweet taste on the front of your tongue while back around your adenoids a sour, citrus flavor is triggering your saliva glands. I haven’t experienced a taste like this since a fluoride treatment I received in the third grade. Zero points.

Ease of Preparation: Combining these two ingredients is simplicity itself. Absinthe might not be a staple in your home bar, though. And I daresay this cocktail might be too simple. There’s no complexity at all. I’ll give it two points, and that’s being generous.

Total Treat Score: 3 points, making this drink the worst we’ve reviewed so far!

Full disclosure: I only drank one of these, so technically I didn’t follow Hemingway’s directions which require you drink “three to five slowly.” If any of you is up for the challenge, please follow these directions to the letter and report back.

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween Cocktails

Foxy Lady; Purple Haze

October 16, 2024 steveboilard1 Comment

I spent the afternoon meeting several old friends (sequentially) in downtown Sacramento. It was a perfect California fall day: the morning started out with a light rain, then the sun came out and the temperature got into the low 70s.

So I found myself sitting outdoors as the venerable Fox and Goose pub. It’s a British-themed restaurant and bar that’s been a popular Sacramento destination since 1975. (I intend to be at next year’s 50th anniversary celebration, on January 17.) Fox and Goose resides in a historic brick building that was originally constructed for the Fuller Paint and Glass Company in 1913. It’s one of those places that doesn’t follow trends. My favorite menu items have been there for decades now; there isn’t a TV in sight; and much of the decor now qualifies as antiques.

*Bronze fox and goose sculpture in front of Fox and Goose, created by former Sacramento lobbyist Richard Ratcliff.*

I had come to share a pint with my good friend Peter. But realizing that I still had a blog entry to write, I asked the bartender to instead make me a Halloween-themed cocktail. He suggested the Violette Haze, which he believes is the most Halloweenish of their fall specialty drinks. Here’s how the menu describes it: “Real del Valle Blanco tequila, Banhez mezcal, pomegranate, jalapeno syrup, lime, Creme de Violette.” The bartender explained that the Creme de Violette is the secret ingredient that gives this drink a distinctive purple color that, to him, gives off a Halloween vibe. Let’s try one!

Conceptual Soundness: The ingredient list is a little “busy,” but I like the general thrust: Take tequila and its cousin mezcal, dress them up with some unusual and sharp tastes (pomegranate, jalapeno), and add a purple liqueur for color. I’d call it intriguing and creative. 4 points.

Appearance: This drink is appealing enough. The color is more a pink-violet than a deep purple, and that means it loses some of its Halloween cred. But the dried lime wheel floating at the top is somewhat gnarly and unexpected, like a desiccated body in a watery grave. I’ll give it 3 points, which would have been kicked up to 4 if the color were darker or the glass were rimmed with black sugar.

Taste: I have to admit, the bartender warned me that this wasn’t one of his favorite drinks. And he added that the brand of lime juice they use tastes a little unusual. And he told me he’d be surprised if I enjoyed the taste. I have to give him credit; he certainly can’t be accused of over-positioning this drink.

I don’t think the lime juice tasted bad per se, but it is definitely too dominant in this drink. The jalapeno taste does get through, but the Creme de Violette doesn’t have a chance. It’s a delicate liqueur, flavored with violet petals. Even the smoke from the mezcal seems to get lost among the stronger jalapeno and lime. I’m afraid this drink only earns 1.5 points for taste.

Ease of Preparation: This drink uses six ingredients (not counting the garnish), and a couple of those ingredients are probably not in your home bar. Mixing the drink, though, isn’t complicated. I’d call the job of making this a mid-level lift. 2 points.

Total Treat Score: 10.5 points/16 points. I don’t think it would be worth buying a bottle of Creme de Violette. But if you happen to be in downtown Sacramento, you could do worse than pop into Fox and Goose and order one of these, just to celebrate the season. And maybe I’ll see you there at their 50th anniversary!

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween Cocktails

Out of Her Gourd

October 15, 2024 steveboilard3 Comments

Everyone, it seems, likes to decorate their home for the Halloween season. Some go for the scary look, such as the house I saw in Benicia last weekend that had blood splatters and decapitated mannequins. Others seem to be aimed at young children, with friendly ghosts or cute bats or (somewhat confusingly) Minions. But even if you’re not into Halloween per se, it does seem that virtually everyone puts out a pumpkin or two. They might get a real pumpkin that they’ll carve on Halloween, or they might get one of those plastic, light-up pumpkins. (Our daughter-in-law found a high-tech pumpkin whose face is animated while it sings various songs.)

My point is that pumpkins are de rigueur for Halloween. And our house here at Chasing Phantoms Headquarters is no exception. You see, my wife has gone all-in on the pumpkin theme. How all-in, you ask? Well, I’ll show you a few pictures, and you see if you can spot the pumpkin display that graces our home:

If you picked any answer, you’re right. They are all actual, unretouched photos of the Pumpkin-mania that’s descended on our home.

So, surrounded as I am by the festive gourds, I figure that today’s Halloween Cocktail should somehow feature a pumpkin. So here’s my contribution to the pumpkin theme:

Today we’re making a Pumpkin Pie Martini, as described on the Pioneer Woman website. Who said I’m not open to new experiences??

Conceptual Soundness: This is a drink with pumpkin puree, rum, vanilla vodka, maple syrup, half-and-half, pumpkin pie spices, and whipped cream. Here’s how Pioneer Woman describes the drink: Made with real pumpkin puree (which your PSL is most likely not) and topped with a dollop of frozen whipped cream that melts into a heavenly foam topping, this recipe is equal parts fall dessert and fall cocktail. You had me at “heavenly foam topping.” Any drink with the key words “pumpkin pie” and “martini” is a sound concept indeed. 4 points.

Appearance: Admittedly, everything looks good in a martini glass. But this drink has a distinct pumpkin/syrup color, a creamy texture, and nice dollop of whipped cream. To me, that’s both inviting and alluring. If only I’d had something to rim the glass with. But that’s on me, not the recipe. I give this 3.5 points.

*In the words of The Big Bopper: Oh, Baby, that’s a-what I li-i-i-ike!*

Taste: I really wanted to like this. I was anticipating something like a boozy milkshake. Alas, my first sip was a disappointment. The flavors seemed off. It might have been the spices, which seemed like a risky addition. Or the uncooked pumpkin puree might have been too dominant. Or maybe it was the uneasy interaction of the whipped cream with the rum and vodka. Whatever the reason, that first sip was a disappointment.

The second sip, however, was a different story. Maybe my taste buds just had to acclimate to the unexpected flavor. But that second sip was pretty good. The third was great. The final sip was in nectar-of-the-gods territory.

I know what you’re thinking; You think the accumulation of alcohol in my bloodstream weakened my judgement. But I really think this is a solid drink. The flavors, while unexpected, come to grow on you. (Literally.) I confess I ended up making myself a second glass. But I settled on my rating (3 points for flavor) before that indulgence.

Ease of Preparation: It’s more work than I’m used to for a cocktail, but it’s not a huge lift. You need to chill your martini glass and freeze a few dollops of whipped cream ahead of time. Otherwise, you just throw everything into a shaker with ice. The only item I had to go out and purchase was pumpkin puree; everything else I had on hand. (Technically, I didn’t have vanilla vodka, but Frontier Woman says I can just add vanilla extract to my plain vodka). 2.5 points.

PS: While gathering supplies at the bar, I noticed some additional pumpkin decor. It’s endless!

2024 Halloween treats · Halloween Cocktails

That’s So Raven

October 14, 2024 steveboilardLeave a comment

Attentive readers will recall that I recently returned from Poe Fest in Baltimore. Edgar Allan Poe produced a large number of poems and short stories in his short lifetime, though most people today could probably only name a few of them. One of those well-known works is his poem “The Raven,” which Poe published in 1845. He was paid $9 for it.

*The last stanza of the poem, in Poe’s hand.*

Though it never made Poe rich, the poem made him famous. It has been reprinted in countless publications, and various artists have tried their hand at illustrating the atmospheric, spooky tale. At Poe Fest I had the opportunity to admire 27 steel-plate engravings that famed illustrator Gustave Doré made for an 1884 edition of “The Raven.” (Sadly, Doré died just months before that publication saw the light of day.) Poe had himself died in 1849, so Doré couldn’t consult with the author when he made his illustrations. Still, it’s a haunting series of etchings.

Indeed, I was so taken by the etchings that I immediately purchased a modern volume that includes Dore’s illustrations, along with the original text.

*Nice Addams Family house on the cover.*

Unfortunately, upon closer inspection, I see that the publisher managed to mar Poe’s prose. Some of the words have changed (“farther” instead of “further,” “thus” instead of “this”), and the punctuation is quite different from that used in more authoritative texts. However, this does beg the question: How do I know which version of “The Raven” is truly authoritative? I was unable to find the full poem in Poe’s handwriting (which to me would be the gold standard), but know that we here at Chasing Phantoms are on the case!

*Clearly the bottom of this page contains a couple of obvious typos.*

All this talk of “The Raven” leads us to today’s Treat of the Day. This week we’re shifting our focus to Halloween-themed cocktails. Providentially, I stumbled upon a recipe for something called The Raven. It combines 1 oz rum, 1 oz vodka, 1 oz. Blue Curacao, and 1/2 oz Chambord. A quick check of my bar confirmed that all those ingredients are present, so let’s make one!

Conceptual Soundness: I think the concept here is simply leveraging the Raven name by making a dark, almost black, drink. It’s not a bad concept, although it’s not especially inventive. Let’s give it 2.5 points.

Appearance: Strictly following the recipe, the color is not especially dark; its mainly just Curacao blue. So I added an activated charcoal capsule (left over from an earlier Halloween effort), which seems to have done the trick. Now my drink is dark like a raven–it clearly screams “Halloween.” That’s worth 3 points.

Taste: This drink tastes festive, or at least it comes across as something that’s special and different from your average cocktail. There’s a lot going on here: The first thing you taste is the rum, and then the vodka’s extra boost of booziness hits you soon afterward. Next you notice the sweet citrus from the blue curacao. On the finish, you get more sweetness and some distinct raspberry notes from the Chambord. Those various layers actually works together quite well. The Raven has two ounces of 80-proof spirits, plus another 1.5 ounces of 25-proof liqueurs, so it’s probably not a good idea to pound these drinks. Ask me how I know. 4 points.

Value/Ease of Preparation: As we shift our Treat Reviews to cocktails this week, the rating category of “value” will be replaced with “ease of preparation.” This category combines the ready availability of ingredients, the hit they make to your wallet, and the complexity of the recipe. In the case of The Raven, this is a simple drink to prepare. The ingredients are pretty much staples in a well-stocked home bar. I give it 3.5 points.

Total Treat Score: 13 points/16 points.

MAILBAG

Attentive readers will recall that our first Halloween treat review this month was the Starbucks Racoon Pop. We gave it a middling score of 8 out of 16 points.

Loyal reader Detlef K reports that his granddaughter recently got her hands on a raccoon pop, possibly as a result of her mother having read our review. Sadly, the little tyke didn’t seem too taken by the treat.

BTW: We’re told that this is a girl who has no problem shoving lasagna and zucchini into her water glass and drinking the soggy mess.